I'm sorry, I LOVED YOU.

This will be some kinda long entry. I’m hurt and I wanna blabber tonight. Just this night. Forget about the Palakasan. Forget about the outreach programs and the victims of the Typhoon Sendong. Forget about the things that had happened the past few days! I just feel miserable today that I even wanted to forget him and everything about him. HIM. Mr. C. Second.

Today could have been good if only that thing didn’t happen. I just wanna scream out loud and cry. It actually sucks to feel this thing. It’s not good you know. But I know that these are my entire fault. Not him. Not anybody else. I know months before that I’m just gonna hurt myself if I continue loving him. But what can I do? I just can’t suppress the feeling. I can’t stop my heart from beating.

I should have stopped months before. I know my place. I should have just heed what my head was telling me. But I don’t know what kept me going. The purity of my intention? Of my heart? The feeling of happiness whenever he’s around? The feeling of having someone to love? I really don’t know. But yes, I am happy whenever he’s near. Just the thought of him makes me smile. Stupid eh? But can I blame myself? Sorry, but no I won’t. I am not desperate looking for someone to love cause I believe that everyone around me is worth all the love in this is never a part of my priorities. Falling in love is never on my list. But I did. After a very long time. I am not in despair. I never was.

Anyways, I get hurt almost every day. I never liked the feeling. Who would wanna get hurt? Yes, i became happy every time I see him. But that happiness is always –ALWAYS- accompanied by sadness ad heartaches. I could feel the pain pierce through my very being. But I couldn’t stop the overflowing emotion I had for him. Yeah. It’s weird. Cause I always felt like I’m always in control of everything—including my emotions. But I was wrong. Don’t hate me for being such a weakling—a chicken shit. You don’t know what I’m feeling. You don’t know what I went through. I cannot say I will stop this. I wanted to but I know I can’t. I will try. But I won’t force myself. Cause I don’t wanna hurt myself. I will try. I will try. Sooner, I’d be over him. The way that i got over #BigLetter. Sooner. But for now, I will let my heart love him. I will let my heart feel all the pain—accept all the heartaches. Til I couldn’t take it anymore. Til I get numb. Til my heart says ‘it’s over. And it’s time to move on’. Til I find myself getting used to being alone.

Mr. C, I know it's not right. I'm sorry, I loved you.

BUSY. TIRED.

Been so busy these past few days because of our Palakasan (i am one of the coordinators for Mr. and Ms. Medicine and Wannabe. I also became one of the support systems of the Pop Dancers) and because of our Outreach Programs. I badly wanna post more here but I am just too tired and too sleepy to think and encode. I just wanna lay in my bed and sleep right now! HAHAHA..

Goodbye. I will update this blog soon.. Godbless ya all. Take Care!

GO FIGHT WIN!

I am just sooo happy that I belong in this group. Doraemons on the go! Go Fight Win Blueming! Go Fight Win! Goooooo Doraemons!!!

BUSY :D

Been so busy these past few days. being a coordinator is no joke. Yikes! FIRST TIME! Been walking and walking looking for costumes, delivering food and cheering for the team. BLUEMING. Mga Imba nga Gadoctor. Yey! But all the pain (the muscle pain, especially calf muscle) are worth it. Our team is enjoying every game. We're not bitter. Win or lose, we are happy cause we all believe that God gives us what is best for us :)

Anyways, for the Music Video-- yehey! We've done it at last. We are 2nd after three long years :DD And for 3 years, we're the Quiz Bee champion. Grand slam! :) yahooo!

I just love this batch. No bitterness. We're just having the time of our life. Hahahahah :D We'll never be bitter-- but we'll always be grateful cause God made us BETTER. Fair!

Btw, tonight's gonna be the Kansay. Excited much for my alagas (Wannabe and Pop Dancers). Support all the way! :D Too bad, I won't be able to see Papa E anymore. Hahahaha. Such a very good dancer. Waaaaah..

til here.. Will be busy again. yay! Ciao. God bless :))

again!

TIRED. again and again. Just got up. And I'm dead. I should be at school this time. But nah, i don't think if my aunt will allow me to go out. It's past 8PM already. Yay! I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. They need my make-up for the parade tomorrow. I don't think i would wanna go there too. I don't feel like going. I just wanna lay down and sleeeeeeeeeeeep. -___-

IDLE. IDLE. IDLE. yay! But let me be idle for some time please? Been so busy these past few days. Rehearsals, looking for things needed for the wannabe, wigs, shoes, makeups, shorts, etc and cooking food.

Tomorrow's the big day. After weeks of preparation, here comes PALAKASAN 2011. I'm hopeful that everything will be fine-- that we, the class 2013, will make it. I also hope and pray that we all enjoy. tada tada tada! Enough of my blabbering. I'm tired already. HAHAHAHAHA. Will just post soon here, if I got time... and if laziness won't strike me. yay! CIAO internet world. Take Care!

*will be watching 'THE SYLVIAN EXPERIMENT', 'THE MATRIX TRILOGY' and 'IT'S A BOY GIRL THING' :)) MOVIE MARATHOOOOON. ;D

sam sam Ü ;))

HAPPINESS overload :))))

YEHEY!! I am SOOOOO HAPPY today. Finally. The result of our hema module exam's out. AND YES, I PASSED. hahahaha.. I am sooo happy! Yay! I've worked so hard for it. SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! GOD is GOOD! That's the best gift ever for this sem. Thank you GOD--- sooo much!

anyways, I'd be out later cause we're going to have the wannabe rehearsal again. And I'm going cause I'd be able to see Mr. DI there :) Yay! IGAT mode :))) Hahaha. I'm just happy. Okay?

later on this night, Imma write the Chocs, and encode it for the nonpassers. Yikes. I just hope and pray that they'll all pass the retake. But anyway, i'm just gonna enjoy this PALAKASAN. We have our Jerseys and jogging pants na. I don't like the jogging paaaaaaants ;( It's soooo tight. Yikes! Hmpf!

Gonna be busy the next few days so ciao! GO FIGHT WIN DORAEMONS!!

EXAM-- it's all OVER.

Our hematology modular exam's over at last. And I'm happy about it. The exam was hard. No. It was a BIT hard. Well, not really. I was not sure with my answers. HAHAHAHA. But what's important tto me right now is that it's ALL OVER. Yay! I'm just hoping that I will pass that exam. I don't wanna think about hema again. I don't wanna study again. Yikes! It's tiresome. And it's a waste of time :D

Next week will be our Palakasan. And yes, I am sooo excited. No classes. No uniform. Strolling and cheering and eating. Well, it means FREEDOM for us. Or maybe, a BIG BREAK. No books. No PBL sessions. No correlates. Yey!

It's friday. I should be at home this afternoon but yay, being one of the coordinators of the wanna-be, I can't just go home. PRACTICE later here. Not really happy though. I just wanna go home. But being the responsible person that I am (ahem), I have to STAY here and be with them. I need to be with them. I have to make sure that everything will be okay during the competition-- that we're all ready. Yay! Waaaaaaah.

But i'm just gonna enjoy this day. I'm gonna cook for them. Yey!! Hahaha. And Mr. C's gonna be here. OVERNIGHT. FUN.

For that OMS party, ain't sure yet if I could go. Hahahahaha.. Sorry good. Haven't bought anything yet. Let's just see what'll happen later. Yikes! GOOD DAY fellas :))

EXAM FEVER.

Our exam was moved again for the second time around. And I hope that they're not gonna move it again. They're just prolonging the agony. I got tired of studying and studying. It's getting boring, and sad.

Our exam will be tomorrow at 1pm. Yikes. I'm sooo positive right now. I could pass this exam. :) I'm gonna have my last REVIEW this night. Still NEED to drink coffee though to keep me awake. Yeah, COFFEE is one of my MUST-HAVES when studying, aside from highlighters, pen and lotsa FOOD. :)

Earlier this afternoon, we cleaned the sala and rearranged it. And I was satisfied with how it looks now. It's more spacious. Those boxes filled with disposable gloves and syringe, the books, and all those crap-- yay! They finally found their place :) I felt sooo dirty that I took a bath after-- and because I was soo tired, I've slept for over an hour. I still feel tired til now though. But I couldn't complain. I shouldn't complain. This is going to be a good night. POSITIVE VIBES. POSITIVE ENERGY. :))

Well, wish me luck. I'm going to start studying at 9pm today (time check: 8:39pm). FOCUS. CONCENTRATE. Yay! I can do this. I must. Hahaha.. ciao for now yo! God bless us all. ♥

FOOD. a must-have when studying.

Well, I've been studying real hard these past few days. Yikes, ang yabang! Hehehehe.. But it's true. Sleepless nights. Sagging eyebags. What else? oh, my immune system is down. Intermittent fever. Myalgia and headache. Yeah. But I'm not complaining cause I know that at the end of these all, i will be happy. I'm trying my best to pass the last two exams-- and be on the top 5. Nangarap? well, yeah. Nothing's wrong with it right? I mean, it's not impossible.

I'm some kinda optimistic right now. Hahahaha. The 2 mugs of coffee every night, and icecream, and food. I've put on so much effort on this module. I need a GOOD result. Yikes. I must admit though that I haven't finished reading 3 chapters yet. But I'm gonna do all that I can to read that remaining 3 chapters this night. (hey, I'm waiting AGAIN for that coffee to take its effect ^__^). Okay. That is NO EXCUSE. Just had my 3-in-1 coffee + another sachet of Nescafe stick. I'm gonna have another cup later this night. Too much caffeine eh? NOT really good for one's health.

Anyway, I'm gonna talk about food today. YEAH. FOOD. I've been eating and eating and eating. And I'm getting FATTER. I know it. I could feel it. In fact, one of my pants doesn't fit anymore. HAHAHAH. It's TOO TIGHT. Yikes. Time for a diet? NO. Maybe, next year. That's impossible to do right now. And I just need lots of food when studying. My brain needs GLUCOSE so that it could function well. And for this night, I had my bread, coffee, a glass of Coke and Icecream. Too much eh? Anyway, this is what I look like today. Haggard. Yeah. Posing with my Cornetto icecream :))

And yeah, I do use reading glasses when I'm studying at home. But I don't wear in public places. Hahahaha. People here don't get it. They think that it's just a decoration. and it's making me feel disgusted. As for me, they're not for decoration or fashion purposes.

More of me :)

Yeah, that's the new cornetto disc. Well, it tastes great. Hahahaha. Enjoyed the chocolate chip :P

Til here. It's past 9 already. Need to study. Ciao for now. God bless :)

STUDY. STUDY. and STUDY.

I just woke up from a long sleep. I slept for over 5 hours. I was actually planning to wake up by 12 midnight. but dang! I was not able to do it. Hahahaha. Sleepyhead me.

I'm dead. Supposedly, we're gonna have our exam today, at 9am. Yikes! Good thing, it was moved to Wedbnesday, 1pm. Yehey. Thank God! We were given more time to STUDY more. And this time, I'm not gonna waste my time-- and this chance.

I still need to read around a hundred more pages ;(. It's just too bad that I'm getting sickly these past few days. Headache, body pains, and this not-really-that-serious rhinorrhea. I HATE!

After this exam, I promise I'm gonna treat myself. ICECREAAAAAAAAAAAM :))) I'm gonna watch movies (movie-marathon) and stroll and stroll and stroll :P

Yay! I better stop here. Need to read more. Ciao Fellas.

Have a BREAK :)

It's already 3:37 in the morning. Yay! finished 2 MUGS of coffee. I just hope I won't feel any palpitations later-- especially during the exam. Anyways, just done studying! Yay! I am such a good girl. hahahah. Oh, alright. I'm just having a 20 minutes break. I just got tired of reading. My head's spinning xD I'd be reviewin later. YEAH. REVIEW :)) (happy eh?)

Studious eh? hahahaha.. I just hope and pray I could remember all the things I read earlier today. Crossed fingers. I've studied way too hard and it'd be unfair if I won't be able to answer during our LAB exam, right? HAHAHA. FOOL.

Dang! Headache. Yay! I could still bear it. Hehehe.. I am actually reading news online. We don't have TV here so I don't know what's happening worldwide. Really. Pathetic. Well, that's what someone can get being a MED STUDENT. Most of us just don't have MUCH time watching TV (or am I the only one?). But my classmates do have time watching series-- and we all have time FB-ing, watching Music Videos on Youtube and surfing the internet for hours. HAHAHAHAH. Weird! But anyways, I am trying my best to lessen my net surfing time to 3 hours a day. Yeah, I know, that is still too much. But it's my way of tapering(?) it (I don't know what word to use anyway!).

Whew. I'm the only one awake in this three-storey house, aside from that mouse who kept on nimbling on my things (arggggh, imma kill you soon!). LEAVE MY ROOM!! hahahah.

Low back pain. No, I'm not that old-- okay? Just bad posture. I'm gonna do some stretching later after praying. :) InshaAllah :)

Well, gonna say ZOOM ZOOM! Wanna read more articles online. And watch news too :) Heheheh. I still care for the world. So, Ciao.

Goodbye November, Hello December!

It's December 1. 5 minutes more and dang! December 2. I'm planning to stay awake the whole night today to STUDY. but unfortunately, seems like I can't concentrate. I'm now waiting for the coffee to have its effect on me. Waaaaah.. I need to study. I have come to study because tomorrow will be our Laboratory Exam (Hematology Module). Hooray! It's the 2nd to the last exam we'll be having. Expect for the worst. Yeah! After Hema, we'll have our Oncology Module then off to Junior Clerkship (a bit nervous. yikes!). I just wish and pray that we'd be able to do it-- that we'll all do good in our Junior Clerkship. Hahayst!

So, ciao for now. I'm gonna start flipping the pages of my notes, read, comprehend-- REAL STUDY. I hope I could finish it within 2 hours so that I could review 'em. BE POSITIVE! Yay! Pray for US folks! Good luck to us Class 2013.. Let us be 54 til APRIL 2013 (graduation day!)

Hehehehe :))

A minute before 12 midnight. Ciao.. Much LOVE..

MONSTER arrived

Oh yeah. And here comes the monster. I was actually studying downstair-- even prepared a cupt of BLACK COFFEE when he arrived. arggggghhh. I hate. I hate. I hate. How can't I? I was sooo serious cause I wanna finish AT LEAST 50 pages today but the heck-- it'd be impossible now. Here I am, in my room disgusted! YUCCCCCCKKKSS!

Why? Why? Can't you just leave and go play POKER all night? hahayst. I HATE. Worse, the internet connection here has been way too SLOW. arghhhh! I can't post or update my blogs. namaaaan. LUMAYAS na PO KAYO, pwede? MAAWA na PO KAYO sa ESTUDYANTE na GUSTONG MAG-ARAL ng MATINO. naman..

SICK and TIRED.

I totally don’t feel good right now. Body pain, sore throat, rhinorrhea, and fever. Yikes! We have exams. One, this Friday for our laboratory and the other one, our modular, this Tuesday (December 6). BAD. I can’t study well. I always feel sooo weak that I always end up sleeping when I’m reading my books. What the Hell am I gonna do now? I feel so stupid and worthless. I badly wanna study. I badly wanna finish reading that book. Yikes! This is getting worse. I WANNA STUDY! HELPPPPPPP L

NO, I am NOT.

What am I gonna blabber here today? Ahmm. It’s some kinda sensitive but I think it’s the best time I air my side about it—so that they will stop asking me or accusing me about it. SORRY. But NO, I am not a LESBIAN or TOMBOY.

Few years back, someone asked me that if I would given a chance, would I hook up with a girl—girl-girl relationship. And I was like ‘what the hell are you talking about?’ See, when I was in Highschool, my batch mates see me as ‘ASTIG’ cause of the way I walk. They see me as Boyish. This got worse when boy after boy who courted me got dumped. Who wouldn’t? They just do it for the purpose of proving them they are right. Who wouldn’t? They were some pack of assholes looking for a fling. Who wouldn’t? They were some boys who knew nothing but relationships. Who wouldn’t? When they were nothing but some stupid guys who took their studies for granted—who’d rather stay out of the class room and spent their time puffing cigarettes or eating or flirting with some other girls.
Okay, I was really not into relationships. IF i’d be asked to choose between some serious girl-boy relationship and friendship, I’d choose the latter. Yeah, I’m no girlfriend material. I see boys only as a FRIEND or BROTHER. Why? I have only one big brother and one younger brother—our youngest actually. And I am close to both of them. See, nine girls and 2 boys. I wanted a brother soooo much. Way too much that ‘others’ see me as abnormal. I treated almost every guy I met as my brother. My mother knows that. In fact, during our CAT (ROTC) practices/classes, every break, my mother would give me an extra snack so that I could share them with my boys classmates. Yeah, she did that—almost all of the time. Because she trusts me. Because she knew that BOYS have no appeal that much to me; that i am no grab-the-chances-to-have-a-relationship when courted.

Going back to the way I walk. YEAH. I know it. The way I walk is odd. But does it matter? For someone who grew up playing softball, for someone who grew up wearing sneakers, for someone who grew up wearing jumpers/jumpsuit, what would you expect of me? No, I don’t play volleyball. And yeah, I play Basketball. BOYS GAMES eh? But then, SO WHAT? Does that make me a LESBIAN? And second thing is, I’m only in my High School years. You wouldn’t expect me to wear make-up, stilettos or wedges and sexy long dresses, right? In fact, they were not in the trend before. Cause what’s new before was the bootleg cut pants that makes you look like you are cleaning/sweeping the floor. (anyways, let’s thank those who made those kind of pants. They made daily cleaning easy. They made my HS life easier- way easier.).
FIRST TWO YEARS of my COLLEGE LIFE, whenever I pass by with an EX close friend, people think differently. Ad I don’t know why. I don’t show PDA’s whatever you call that for them to think that way. I really don’t know. Was it the spark in my eyes or the smile painted on my lips? I really don’t know and I really don’t care.

THIRD YEAR COLLEGE. AT last, people think differently. But it wasn’t at all good. Because I got close to one of these guys in our department—now they think of me as a SLUT trying to seduce him. Oh come on. What the heck do you people want me to do? When I was close with a girl, you’ll think of me as a lesbian. When I got close to a guy- a SLUT. And you don’t want me to be close to some gay either because you’d always say it’s against our religion—that it’s not right. What is RIGHT then? That you see me live my life in ISOLATION? I can’t live my life the way you wanted me to be. I tried my best-est to live it in a way that i could make you all happy—in a way that I could make you all get satisfied but i always FAIL. Yeah. FAIL. ALWAYS. I never thought then that one could never satisfy everybody. And that was ONE GREAT MISTAKE. CAUSE i let all your comments affect me—way too much I almost took my life.

Okay. I’m no longer a tomboy/lesbian. But I became a BITCH came college life. How it happened, I really don’t know. It sucks to always try my best to belong. It SUCKS to always try everything to make everybody happy and satisfied. And it SUCKS more that I did that all to satisfy you all—taking for granted my life—my happiness.

And now, I am in my postgrad. MEDICINE LIFE. I’ve met a very good friend before college graduation. BESTEST friends—we WERE. But I don’t know why I let all those things happen again. I don’t wanna believe that HISTORY REPEATS itself—that LIFE is a CYCLE. No. I don’t. Okay, so here goes another problem again. Well, it’s not really a problem—but other people think that it is. I don’t really wanna think about it but people are just so lousy loser—they’re just sooo narrow-minded that I wanna slap them all to make them realize everything. Well, what’s wrong with being sooo close with your bestfriend? What’s wrong with treating her like your own sister? I could hardly understand other people nowadays. They blabber way too much. The make fun of others. They criticize others. Like, ‘what the hell?’. They don’t even look at themselves first. The kept on judging and judging and judging. They kept on putting someone down. DUH!

I just don’t wanna think about this stuff again anymore. I am sure I am not a BI or a LESBIAN. YUCKS! I’ve fallen, got hurt. Fell again and got hurt again. But I kept on loving that GUY until February 14 of this year. Oh, alright. I got tired. My heart got tired. No more heartache because of him. Not at all worth it. Okay?

I just hope and pray that you people stop from judging. Open your mind yo! Don’t be too narrow-minded. Don’t think as if you know everything.. and that what you know is right. You don’t know how you hurt others just by your ridiculous comments. You don’t know how you affect others because of your irresponsible and irrational REMARKS. STOP JUDGING. STOP being BIAS. Look at yourself first.

LAZY-ing

LAZY. LAZY. LAZY me.

Been listening to music for the past 3 hours—not doing a thing. Just lying here trying to memorize all these songs—especially LOOK AT ME NOW (JAP’s version).

Here are the songs that are on my playlist right now:

SKYSCRAPER (Boyce Avenue’s Cover. With Megan Nicole)

SHE WILL BE LOVED (Boyce Avenue and Tiffany Alvord)

LOOK AT ME NOW (JAPS)

IF I WERE A BOY (CONOR MAYNARD)

LIPSTICK (Elise Estrada)

COMO AMOR (Megan Nicole)

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES (Fallout Boys)

WE BELONG TOGETHER (Mariah Carey)

ANGELS CRY (Mariah Carey)

COME ON (Ben Jelen)

That’s all for now. Zoom zoom :P

tanga!

i was not able to share this.. it was last october 26 when this thing happened.. pinagmukha lang naman akong tanga kakahintay sa isang bagay na di darating.. kalokohan noh? imagine, naghintay ako nga halos tatlong oras?

well, this is what happened. I slept at around 7 pm that wednesday night. i was way too tired from the enrollment process.. and the over one hour trip from Iligan. i was sleeping when my 2 sisters woke me up because someone called-- a number not registered on my phonebook. i answered the phone and my bestfriend was the one who's on the other line. he was asking if i could go online. because we don't have innternect connection at home, i told him i could not and that my smart broadband is out of load. he asked for the smartbro number and i gave it to him.

so, eto naman si tanga, naghintay. naghintay ng almost 3 hours sa wala.. could've just sleep after almost an hour of waiting but stupid me, i didn't. and that's what hurts me.. STUPID. STUPID. STUPID me :((

tired..

tired for these past few days.. mentally tired.. there are lots and lots of things that's on my mind right now.. and i don't even know how to get rid of them.. Not that i am a negative thinker.. like duh!!

it's so exhausting.. really.. helping someone with his/her problems but not being able to solve mine.. Neuro 2 exam will be next week, November 4 and I haven't studied a thing.. what'll happen to me?? yikes.. i wish i still have another week so that i could study.. worse, i don't even feel like studying even if i have a month.. waaah.. i just wanna cry out loud.. i wanna scream.. i wanna curse. i wanna kill time. hayst..

yesterday was our enrolment anyway.. and took me a day before i was able to finish all the process. I was effin tired that i wanna go to CDO to unwind.. but too bad, i was not able to do it.. i badly wanna buy an external memory because my Cubee is not functioning well.. i don't have a netbook/laptop anymore.. shoot! back to what happened yesterday. i was undecided.. i wanna go to CDO but i have no one to accompany me.. then, past 4 pm, when my sister texted me, asking me where i was.. asking me to go home early because dadootz gonna get mad if i'd be going home late.. so, past 4 pm, almost 5 (quarter to five i think) when i left Tubod. Traffic..

at TERMINAL.. yikes.. i hate the scene.. it was somewhat suffocating.. it made me a bit nauseous.. people here and there with this super EXTRA BIG LUGGAGE that you could hardly pass from the jeepney's entrance to its seats.. and there was this man who kept on smoking (i thought smoking in public is prohibited? bet, that man don't know this or just way to ignorant, he didn't understand that simple law).. arrgggh.. it was around 5 pm when we left Iligan City and i arrived safely at home around 630 pm.. (yeah, i was scolded a bit but what can i do?? i just can't make the jeep run faster, right?)..

then, sleep at around 730.. was not able to watch any shows.. too bad..

and here i am, still, blabbering about getting sooo tired despite my more-than-10-hours-sleep last night.. how about that? arrrgggh.. i hate me.. i hate life.

GIRLS. GIRLS. GIRLS.

I just copied this. and i felt like posting it here :))

ANG MGA BABAE [ http://bit.ly/nnCp0s ]

1. Moody: Inborn na sa mga babae to. Kung badtrip kami, wag niyo nang sasabayan.

2. Pag sinabi naming nagtatampo kami, lambing lang katapat: Yung salitang tampo way lang namin yun para sabihing lambingin niyo kami. Konting I love you niyo lang, okay na kami.

3. Gusto namin yung palagi kaming kino-compliment: Pag may bago sa itsura namin, gusto naming mapansin niyo. Kasi nakakataas ng self-confidence namin yun.

4. Pag napansin niyong naging sersyoso yung mga text namin, may mali: Kapag ganun, may nagawa kayong di namin nagustuhan. Kaya be alert. Kapag sinabe naming wala, meron talaga. Nahihiya lang kami. Kaya pilitin niyo kaming sabihin sa inyo. At pagtapos naming masabi, konting lambing lang. Back to normal na ulit.

5. Selosa kami: Kaya iwasan niyong makipag harutan sa ibang girls. Lalo na sa harapan namin. Pero may ibang babae na tahimik lang kung mag-selos. Inoobserabahan lang kayo. Pero kapag napuno, simula na ng away.

6. Kaming mga babae, normal lang ang ma-attract sa mga gwapo: Hanggang tingin lang kami. Kasi hindi naman na namin makikita ulit. Ma-attract man kami sa 1M lalaki, ang puso namin ay para lang sa tunay naming mahal. Ganun din naman kayong mga lalaki. Kapag nakakita ng maganda at sexy. Magaling lang kayong magtago.

7. Kaming mga babae, pinagmamalaki namin yung mga mahal namin ng hindi nila nalalaman: Katulad nalang sa mga GM (Group Message), Facebook at TUMBLR.

8. Ayaw namin sa mga manliligaw na nagmamadali: Yung tipo ng mga lalaking laging nagtatanong kung kailan ba namin sila sasagutin. Naiirita kami. Kaya dapat maging matiyaga kayo kasi dun namin nalalaman kung sino talaga kayo.

9. Kapag malungkot o tahimik kami, gusto namin ng yakap galing sa inyo: Kasi iba yung pakiramdam kapag hawak niyo na kami. Gumagaan yung pakiramdam namin. :">

10. Gustong gusto namin yung mga lalaking malaki ang respeto samin: Yung tipong pag ayaw namin magpa-kiss, hindi niyo gagawin. Instead, lalambingin ka na lang sa ibang paraan. Ang pinaka gusto naming kiss, kiss on the forehead. It symbolizes, respect.

11. Ang nagpapa-turn on samin ay yung lalaking protective: Yung kapag kasama namin kayo, feeling namin safe na safe kami. Walang mangyayaring masama at hindi kami ilalagay sa panganib.

12. Ayaw namin sa lalaking hanggang text lang: Kung mahal niyo talaga kami, patunayan niyo sa personal. Wag yung sa text lang kayo magaling. Magpaka-lalaki kayo!

13. Sobra kaming natutuwa sa mga lalaking ma-effort: Yung kahit walang special day, feel mo eh special ang araw araw niyo. Kasi sobrang nakakatuwa kapag ang lalaki laging nagpuput in ng effort. Feeling naming babae eh, isa kaming prinsesa.

14. Ang pangarap naming mga babae yung ipapakilala kami ng mga lalaki sa kanilang mga barkada at lalo na sakanilang pamilya: Feeling namin kami na yung pinaka maswerteng babae sa mundo. Kasi iilan lang ang lalaking naglalakas loob ipakilala kami sa parents at barkada nila. Yung iba kasi nahihiya. At feeling din nmin angkin na angkin na namin ang isang lalaki dahil nakilala na namin ang mga taong bumubuo sa buhay niya. :)

15. Magaling kaming mag-pretend: Kapag nasasaktan kami, nagpapaka-manhind kami. Kapag may nakitang di maganda, nagbubulagbulagan kami. Kapag may narinig na mali, nagbibingibingihan kami. Pero kapag mag-isa nalang kami, dun kami naglalabas ng sakit. Dun kami umiiyak. Kaya ang pangarap naming lalaki is yung sensitive enough sa mga nararamdaman namin. Yung kayang magtanong hanggang sa umamin kami.

DOOR TWO

I'm here at Papa Jarred's crib. Not really sure if i'm gonna stay here overnight (to study) or what. I surely won't be able to study at boarding house if I'm gonna go home. Well, anyways, the MUMU is here (si Bakz). Hehehehe.. And I don't know why. He should actually be at the hospital right now. Papa Jarred, Mama Shengot, Jinu Bibi, Ate Joh, Manghud Jeun Pyo (tikboy) are also here. But this is not a reunion.

I am done drawing/sketching SUPERMAN. Yehey!! I am so happy cause I've been wanting to draw Superman. Got addicted to him fewzeks back. I was also able to finish the Skull-Angel Tattoo i copied from the net. It was sooooo fun. But I am not yet good in using charcoal pencils. I still have to practice and practice. I'm gonna post my artworks here once i have my cam. I badly wanna post it now, too bad, my microSD reader won't function. So, though i took lots of photos using my phone, i still can't post them.. Also, my second sketch-- Taylor Lautner. I just used ordinary pencils anyway. And I drew this one last semester-- out of boredom.. Good thing, it turned out well..

They're eating AYPLEM (icecream).. yay! I wanna have a cupful but Papa Jarred's teasing me. I am not POLYPHAGIC! Tease and tease and tease, go on, i still am going to eat.. LOTSA food. Goodbye DIET! Hello FOOD! hahaha..

so, til here.. Zoom zoom! -_____-

accepting my defeat

It was your choice

and i could do nothing at all

You left me with nothing.

as much as i want to talk to you

like before

when our laughter joins in harmony

we can't

it's impossible.

as much as how i want to tease you

and be near you

just like before

it cannot be.

we just can't.

don't wonder.

don't ASK.

before, i asked why can't we?

it was a question i've been wanting to ask

For so many times, it happened

I knew the answer-- but kept on denying it.

just recently, something inside of me

made me realize

that i'm right.

what i was thinking all along was right.

you CHOSE her.

that's it.

it's not that you don't want to talk to me

nor is it that we're not close anymore.

YOU CHOSE her.

it was your choice.

and you felt threatened-- your relationship.

threatened by the history that we have

the extraordinary friendship, isn't it?

ACCEPTANCE

that's what i've been wanting to do.

cause that's all that i could do.

it is something i on't wanna live with--

but i have to live with.

i could hardly fathom things.

but that's just how life it.

UNFAIR.

always UNFAIR.

you give so much--

but you get nothing in return.

You do good things--

but people forget it.

You make one mistake--

and everyone sees it.

Life-- that's life..

but God is not unfair.

He never is.

that's why, after all the struggles

the heartbreak and the defeat

and after accepting them all

Life gives you something more

something more that what you expect from it.

More than what YOU REALLY ASKED FOR.

Better.

Best.

i'm letting go.

my heart has been broken so many times.

crushed so many times.

i'm letting go.

and i forgive you.

but i will never forget a single thing.

all those things we had.

i'd be moving on-- forward.

on and on.

i will forever miss you.

Domo Arigato gozaimsu. ;)

ACCIDENTALLY inLOVE

yes I AM.. and to Superman.. hehehehe.. feels ecstatic. yay! i can't describe the feelings. Happy. happy. Happy. yun! and, it felt a bit strange..

I LOVE YOU Superman. :)

Second Birthday

It's my baby's second birthday today.. Oh, how i missed him.. just too bad that he wasn't here. well, anyways, according to my sister, they celebrated his birthday. They went to the beach. and right now, i'm wondering if he has enjoyed the day (he hates water. HAHAHAHAH).. well, i hope he did..

well, dearest, Happy happy happy birthday to you.. My little boy is growing up.. Your Tita Dede loves you sooo much.. this one is for you :)

I love you and I miss you so much, zamzam.. hope to see you soon..

STRANDED

after eons, i'm listening to jennifer paige's song again. Last Song Syndrome and i don't know why. HAHAHA.. yay! come, sing with me :)

You know it only breaks my heart
To see you standing in the dark
Alone waiting there for me to come back
I'm too afraid to show

If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave
I don't want to be
Stranded
Stranded
Stranded
Stranded
Stranded
So baby come back to me [Stranded]
So baby come back to me [Stranded]

I can only take so much
These tears are turning me to rust
I know you're waiting there for me to come back
I'm too afraid to show

If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
If you wanna be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave
I don't wanna be
(Stranded)It's coming over you
(Stranded)It's coming over me
(Stranded)It's coming over you
(Stranded)Yeah yeah yeah

I miss you
I need you
Without you
I'm stranded
I love you
So come back
I'm not afraid to show

Crashing like a tidal wave
Drags me out to sea
I wanna be with you
You wanna be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave
I don't wanna
Stranded
It's coming over you [Stranded]
It's coming over me [Stranded]
It's coming over you [Stranded]
Stranded
Stranded
Stranded

So baby come back to me [Stranded]
So baby come back to me [Stranded]

(Stranded)Coming over you
(Stranded)Coming over you
(Stranded)Coming over me
(Stranded) Coming over you

(Stranded Stranded)So baby come back to me
(Stranded Stranded)So baby come back to me

Stranded
Stranded
Stranded
Stranded

• check the MUSIC VIDEO here.. ENJOY :))

MSU Golden Anniversary

This is a very very late post.

So, MSU 50^th founding anniversary is over—so is our vacation (4 days—it’s long enough for us Med students). What happened during that day? September 01, 2011—I woke up earlier than usual, took a bath and prepared for the parade. Went to MSU at around 630 in the morning. Well, as usual, many became opportunists especially those drivers who asked for 10 pesos from the passengers (MSU prep to College of HRM—way too much for such a short distance, right?).

MSU— crowding! Many were in their uniformed printed shirts. Our college, MSU-COM, gathered in front of CHS. When I arrived there, you could see happy, excited faces. Picture, picture, pictures!! You could hear them shouting, singing—most were having fun.

Earlier that day, I wasn’t happy at all. With tummy rumbling, I could hardly fake a smile. I was hungry. After the parade, we decided to look for a place where we could eat but to my disgust, almost all food establishments in MSU were close—some reasoned out that they still need to clean, others said that they won’t open until 10 am (it was around 830 that time). I was like, ‘where are the brains of the owners/managers of these food establishments? If they opened up earlier, they’d have around 5K or more for that morning alone’. Knowing the fact that many were not able to take their breakfast cause meeting time was like 6-630 am, they should have thought of opening earlier than usual. Cause it’s not like any other ordinary day, right? I was soooo pissed that morning I lost my appetite. :D

But anyway, for the record, not all that start badly ends badly. This day proved it. I was happy at the end of the day. I was sooooooooo happy. It was an exhausting day but it’s all worth it.. anyways, here are my favorite PHOTOS:

me with Bakz (my bestfriend). this is our first picture together again after eons :))

around 7 am, the time i arrived at the meeting place (in front of CHS), he asked me to have pic with him.. :)

Before we went home. with bakz again. This is the tarpaulin in front of our dear Biology Department.

i some kinda miss our tambayan. (model-modelan na naman drama ko ;P)

me with the grasshopper that Bakz put on my jacket. That insect was a bit scary.. yikes. thanks anyway to Heidi Girl for this Photo. Smile pa din kahit takot na oh.. HAHAHA.

with my Marlon bibi (who was a bit shocked) and Heidi (all smile). this was at the jeep, on our way back to Iligan City for the Motorcade for the New Doctors :)

YOUR GIRL- a late post

So, I met your girl. And I must admit that I didn’t like her at first. Could you blame me if girls after girls you had, none of them seemed brave enough to show who they really are? Could you blame me if I first doubted her—her sincerity? Could you blame me if after all of those girls that you had, I befriended none of them because they see me not as a friend but a THREAT?

I’m sorry if I had to act that way. I don’t think if you could blame me at all. After all, I never had good memories with any of your girls in the past. See, I even call myself a CURSE to you because of them. Good thing, this new one, Ms. Jy made me feel different.

I don’t know if there’s a need to defend myself—my actions that night. But to make things clear, I wanted to do it.. That was our first meeting—vis-à-vis. We were ONLINE friends, if you could call that one. she send me messages, I reply. She would tweet me, I’d tweet back—and it’s something I wanted to call social responsibility. See, I was so shocked. Being kissed by someone you just met—it ain’t good at all, right? We’re not close, you know that. I was even hesitant of meeting her. So, right then and there, I asked for alcohol. I HATE being KISSED by someone I am not acquainted with—much more, by someone I just met. and I was also thinking that it’s the peak of the fiesta so the thought of being kissed in the cheek by someone who might had eaten something with pork disgust me.

I’m not gonna say sorry. Not now, not ever. I did nothing wrong.

DAMN NIGHT!

Damn night! I hate this feeling.. see, your girl is asking me about your past—about your Ex.. and sorry if I disappoint her but I won’t tell her a thing. There are lots and lots of reasons I could give her why I don’t want to. I don’t trust her anyway. I couldn't trust. NEVER will I do that after what she has done to me. DUH! Within 72 hours, she broke it. I’ve lost my respect towards her. Well, I think that’s what she wants cause if not, she won’t do it in the first place, right?

Anyway, back to your past, I don’t think if I’ve got the right to blabber about her. We’re not close—we’re not even friends for me to say something about her. I hate her for all the things that she did. I hate her but I don’t wanna badmouth her. And I knew not much about her. I’m not playing safe or whatever you may want to call this—but I still believe that respect begets respect.

Anyway, can you please tell your girl to stop asking me about you and your past and anything about you? I think you two should be close enough that you should not keep any secret from each other. You are in this relationship so I think, you two should be transparent to each other. Cause what’s the point of engaging in such relationship if you could not even trust one another?

Ciao for now. -_-

SPOILED

yehey! i received a gift just this night.. no, it's not a gift.. It's a PASALUBONG.. yikes.. happy much.. here it is oh:

I am really a SPOILED BRAT.. hahaha.. They let me do the things i always wanted to do.. WRITING. So i have another journal to fill.. mucho mucho.. am not gonna open it. Still have an exam tomorrow.. yay!! Friends jud ta doh.. hahaha.. HAPPY.

Tis sooo cute. and i love it. thank you sooo much.. yay.. :))))

SPOILED

yehey! i received a gift just this night.. no, it's not a gift.. It's a PASALUBONG.. yikes.. happy much.. here it is oh:

I am really a SPOILED BRAT.. hahaha.. They let me do the things i always wanted to do.. WRITING. So i have another journal to fill.. mucho mucho.. am not gonna open it. Still have an exam tomorrow.. yay!! Friends jud ta doh.. hahaha.. HAPPY.

Tis sooo cute. and i love it. thank you sooo much.. yay.. :))))

PAIN.

It hurts to actually be blamed for something you've got nothing to do with. Seems like the crybaby in me was resurrected. I killed it long time ago, when i promised myself to always be strong, reminding myself over and over again that there's not a thing in this world that happens without a reason. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, that, i TATTOOED on my mind.

2 years had passed and everything seems to be perfect. I am already a third year Med Student-- survived the first 2 years of MED life already. I was happy. LIFE's been good to me. I always get what i want and i believe that i deserve all of 'em. EXCEPT of course for HEART MATTERS.. eii, i am never lucky when it comes to that thing.

ahmmm.. so, straight to what i wanna blabber here. I am hurt. BADLY. i am BADLY BRUISED. my HEART's broken again for reason i could hardly fathom.

NEUROLOGY MODULE EXAM will be on Monday, September 19 of this year. This Module is just one of the hardest modules here in our college. So, knowing that fact, we were all trying our best to study--to do good, if not, better. For these past few days, I was able to concentrate and study. i got to read almost 50% of the Neuroanatomy book we were asked to read. I was happy. I was enjoying my study. The AGUSTERO TWINS-- Papa Jarred and Jinu Bibi, and Mama Sheng were there, helping me. I was proud, of course. Three consecutive overnights. It feels good. I never thought i COULD ACTUALLY STUDY THAT HARD. The feeling-- it's overwhelming.

Everything was planned this week. everything was scheduled. But then, on the supposedly FOURTH DAY of STUDYING, something happened. It's not good you know.

Imma pour my everything in here. so this is what happened that day: Monday, we don't have a class. I went to the library to renew the book i borrowed (that was after the meeting with some of the senior clerks was over). then went to papa jarred's place. I actually told them that i'm gonna stay there again for that night to study (i can't study at my boarding house cause i always end up sleeping or FB-ing). I left my book in their place, and told them i'd be back later that afternoon. I went home, turned on my CUBEE (my netbook) and went OL. It was around 330 in the afternoon. By 4, i felt sleepy so i slept.

The vibration of my phone woke me up (I had it in a silent mode, so whenever i receive messages, it'll just vibrate). Half-awake, i took my phone and read the message. The first MESSAGE was more of an ACCUSATION rather than CLARIFICATION. The SECOND ONE, well you'd easily know that the one who sent it is ANGRY. all characters were in CAPITAL LETTERS.. and all ends with -!!- I was shocked of course. I don't know what was happening. I tried to call him to ask him what happened, but he won't answer my calls. instead, he texted me this: "Don't bother! I'm not in the mood!"

It sucks you know. i didn't know a thing. I tried to clarify things but poor me, naught! FB chat, found out happened. But I'm sorry, i'm not gonna jump into conclusion. i didn't know yet the story of the other party. then, i asked for this girl's number just so i could fix 'THEM', just so i could clear HIS NAME..

Calling the girl, it was hard you know. Calling someone you don't know-- trying to fix something you have nothing to do with. I still believe i didn't do anything wrong. It hurts. It effin hurts. I actually don't wanna do it but for his happiness, i DID. FOR HIM, I DID.. i would wanna celebrate that time-- it should be a good news to me.. but i couldn't. I can't be SELFISH. I AM NOT SELFISH. I DON'T WANNA BE SELFISH. so though it hurts, though i don't want to do it, i DID. Dialed her number and called her. Asking, pleading to give him another chance. yeah, I PLEAD (not soo me). I begged. so hard. after the call, i texted her and pleaded some more to give him another chance. good thing (or bad thing?), she did give him a chance.

after that, it all came into me. i shouldn't have done that. i lost my respect to myself. i felt self-pity engulfed me li'l by li'l.. i cried soo hard after. i didn't know what to do. then i read all their messages again. and i got more hurt. How could i allow someone to treat me like that? how could i let someone do things my parents never did to me? how could i let someone lower my respect for myself? SELF-PITY, i cried even more.

I was thinking that if during that time, i was in front of him, he could've kill me. His anger could've kill me. it sucks. It hurts. but there's nothing else that i could do bout it. It's done. I can't rewind it.

Because of love, i let someone put me down. because of love, i lost my sanity, let things like that happen. and it's not at all GOOD. I put on soo much effort for it.

I'm sorry but i have to do this. it's not good that i love someone more than how i love myself. it's not good that i suffer because of this. i'm back to that old habit again after 2 years. it's not good you know. This love i've known.. This love I've taken cared of for almost 5 years-- it's of no good to me. It's making me bad.

Drew THIN RED LINES. PRESSED the BLADE deeper. It's never good. I'm hurting until now. Hurting way too much. You never saw the good in me.

you know what, no matter how someone loves you, that person gets tired too. I am no robot. i have a heart. I also bleed. I love you but you've taken it for granted. you know that.

Di naman siguro por que alam mo na di ka matitiis ng tao, pwede mo ng gawin lahat, thinking that at the end of the day, because of that person's love to you, tatanggapin ka pa din nya. napapgod din ang puso.

I've looked past all your liabilities and downfalls. I've looked past your not-so-good attitude. I've accepted you for who you are. I've loved you more than anything else in this world. I've loved you-- and everything about you. but you took everything for granted. NOT WORTH it, eh? so, be it.

thank you anyway. SORRY is never enough. It's always like that. Di kita matiis kaya patatawarin na lang. Di kita matiis kaya hahayaan na lang. ganyan dati. pero ngayon, titiisin kita hanggang makita mo pagmamahal sa sarili mo. Titiisin kita dahil mahal ko sarili ko. Titiisin kita dahil ayokong mamatay because of this love i have for you. Titiisin kita hanggang sa malaman mo ang halaga mo sa akin.. at malaman mo halaga ng sarili mo sa buhay mo. Mhal kita. lagi ko namang sinasabi yun. sabi ko nga nun, kalimutan mo na lahat but not that. yun pa din yun hanggang ngayon. kaya ko to ginagawa.

SORRY? say sorry to yourself. forgive yourself. hanapin mo sarili mo. pag nangyari yun, i'd be happy. I'd be happy.

in.chik ;(

BLEED for your PAIN

What is it with your eyes? they really cannot hide

The sadness in your heart, they're speaking it out loud

Words may never show but you could never keep it hidden

The wounds that hurt you much will never be left unspoken.

I hear the cries of brokenness, the desperate wailing of your chest

The freezing coldness of your nights when light is out of sight

i hear the laughter but tears are falling

Your smile is empty and joy is missing.

Don't run away and turn your back on me

Or my skies will always be in shades of grey

Don't you ever act like dying, like you have lost everything

Don't beg like it's something. I am here, am i for nothing?

I held your hands and they were trembling

I heard your song but it's not like your singing

Hear me when i speak and will you please listen

HERE I AM, I will bleed for your pain.

Taking one step forward after FIVE long years

I’m beginning to see the light. Realizations. Realizations. Realizations. I know, i have to make a move before I get drown.

LOVE left me after more than 5 years of struggling—of pain. It all begun one sunny afternoon. I knew all the risks and I took ‘em. Knowing that I could never suppress what I was feeling then. It was young love. Infatuation they say, but for me, it’s true love. For more than five years, I loved him. And for more than five years, everyday, I taste the pain. It is bittersweet. But it’s addicting. I never regretted loving him in the first place. It was my choice. I chose to continue loving him in silence. They say, it was not worth it. But I don’t care. My choice—my decision made me happy. And I’ve never felt such happiness before.

FIVE LONG YEARS—sayang? Well, not really. The fact that I felt loved and I learned that I know how to love—it’s enough.

To YOU: thank you so much for everything. For the love you’ve shown (platonic love); for the patience; for the care; for understanding me and my tantrums; for being my shoulder to cry on; for being my partner-in-crime; for being my knight in shining armor; for being my light in the dark; for being my confidant. Thank you for being you, for showing me who you really are. Thank you for keeping my secrets. Thank you for being my skeleton—my support when I felt so weak. Thank you for the encouragement – for telling me that I can always do better.

Most importantly, thank you because I’ve learned how it is to love. Thank you because I forgot how it was to hate when I drown in my love for you. Thank you for being you. ;)

my baby, my ANGEL-- li'l Zamzam

ok, so i'm missing him already. and too bad, i could do nothing at all. i'm getting tooo emotional when he becomes the topic of our (me and my sis's) conversation. see, he had been with us when he was barely four months old (FEBRUARY 2010). My elder sister who is based in Qatar came for a visit. We were all excited that time cause it'd be the first time we're going to see her with her family (she has 3 kids already at that time). I was in Iligan City when they arrived (i have a class). I saw my sister 2 days after when they visited me. I was so happy. Nothing could ever describe what i felt during those times. i attend classes. i studied the lectures. i participated in our PBL discussions. I was inspired.

i couldn't content my excitement as each day passes. Weekend came, time to go home. at last, i saw them. Those three li'l angels. i got closer to the eldest first, FAADEL. then to him, my li'l ZAMZAM. He is sooo cute. He has this very, very cute eyes you'll never forget.

He has become my inspiration. to be good. to do good. The best part of the week is every Friday, when the bell rings! I cant wait to go home. to see him. he grew with us. There are times that i'd get sooo fed up because he's sooo naughty. but getting mad is very impossible. cause he has this way of making you smile every now and then. He has this way of making you happy when everything seem to be so messed up.

Here's the exciting part: the time he's learned to speak. Funny is, he can't pronounce the letters M, B, P W, and S. Instead of Mama, he'd say NANA. Instead of Bapa, he'd say BABA. Instead of Salma, he'd say ALNA. Instead of wewe (my sis n-name), he'd say YEYE. and instead of Tita Baby/Bebe, he'd say TITA DEDE.

Not to brag and not because i am his aunt am i saying this. but i am amazed on how he could easily memorize or familiarize things. He was barely one year old when my older sis taught him the part of his face (eyes, ears, nose and all). and he could easily point them! I also taught him some funny dance steps (see, i don't know how to dance), and he had memorized it so easily. we made it like, this song for a particular step and he never get mistaken. Our 'SAYAW-SAYAW, NAM-NAM' steps was one of the highlights during his first birthday because he gamely danced for his guests.

he was barely four months old here (February 2010) . look at those big round eyes.. so cute ehh.

This was during my cousin's wedding (July 30, 2011). See how big he has become. He's almost 2 years old.

i think, imma end it here muna. still need to do lotsa things.

For this boy, this ANGEL of MINE-- i love you so much and i miss you so bad. i'd be waiting for you dear one. i love you and forever, i will.

my little angel

my little angel, Zamzamin. he was barely 4 months in this picture. now, he's a big boy. still, a baby to me. an angel.

see how big he has become now :

well, he's such an angel. so sweet.. so thoughtful.

hayst. gonna miss this kid. this baby sooo much. :(

REALIZATIONS

It’s 3:42 pm, August 04 2011. Just saw the result of our OB-GYNE Module II exam. And yeah, as expected, I failed. Well, i wouldn’t say that i’m not hurt cause i effin’ am. Haha. What i’m showing is more of a fake emotion (or am I?). well, i didn’t smile nor frown. Flat-affect. That’s it! NO EMOTION at all. Been sick for few days now. Been thinking of lotsa things for weeks now. Been preparing myself for weeks now. Heck, i forgot my academics. Then, there i go, doing a last minute studying; gulping every ounce of black coffee (which i’m not used to) at Dunkin Donuts, skipping meals and trying to read the 2 OB-Gyne books for some 3-4 consecutive overnights. And the result, RACOON EYES, FEVER, CHILLS, TENSION HEADACHE, GERD ATTACKS (almost every time i eat) and FAILING EXAM!

I am not gonna blame anyone for my mishap. It’s no one’s fault. Not mine. Not anyone else’s. There’s a reason. and i think, it’s one of God’s way of telling me to learn how to prioritize things. FIRST THING FIRST. Hayst.

Well, anyways, i’d be deactivating my FB accounts tomorrow. FRIDAY. Greatest distraction ever. FOCUS, this time around, that’s what i’m gonna do. Hopefully, i could do better next time. InshaAllah.

So til here. Zoom zoom!

ADDICTED

i should be studying right now. see, we're gonna have our modular exam next week, on tuesday. OB-GYN II module. i should finish reading that 2 books but here i am, doing nothing-- idling-- more of, LAZY-ing. hahaha.

well, i can't help it. i'm freakishly crazy.

well, i'm actually listening to JULIE ANNE's cover of SUPER BASS (Nicki Minaj's the one who sang it). she (julie anne) is such a WOW. super wow. she has this really amazing voice. and she's also pretty (envious here).

well, i first saw here in one of GMA-7's show, PARTY PILIPINAS, where she performed with ELMO MAGALONA. i was not really a fan of any GMA-7 artist but when i saw her, i instantly fell in love with her. yikes!

she sang Mariah Carey's WE BELONG TOGETHER and she's soooo good. not kidding. watch it HERE.

anyway, here's her cover of Nicki's SUPERBASS. watch it HERE.

enjoy :)

smile doesn't always mean happiness :/

I walk around with a smile on my face all day, but inside im frowning and wishing you would understand. I give you a friendly hug, and I remember when those hugs meant something more to you. I pretend to like this new girl, but I hate her. She took you away from me and now I want to die. I can't compare to her because she's so beautiful. She's your everything and she's as close to perfect as it gets. So, while you think we’re still good friends, i'll be crying every night. You might think i'm happy, but i'm not guna be okay.

HIS FRIENDSHIP GAME

June 9, 2007 (date made)

I made a promise on your birthday

that our friendship shall remain true

but the promise shattered into pieces

the day I met the person inside of you

he’s different from you my friend

yet you guys are one and same

he played too much with my emotions

so I quit playing his friendship game

Don’t think for a second that i don’t regret

throwing away a whole year of love

but our friendship was already dying

you just gave it one last ending shove.

You allowed your jealousy to control you

your anger was its partner in crime

instead of fixing what was already broken

you broke what can’t be fixed with time.

Maybe I am selfish or unforgiving

for saving myself in your time of need

but you are the ONE who pushed me away

I was just following your first lead.

I miss the way our laughter joins in harmony

and the way your smile brightens up my day

I miss the brilliance of the whole world

I miss the color before this eternal gray

I want to forgive you and start all over

but everyone tells me to just move on

should I listen to them and walk away

or should I help find what’s already gone?

I AM SOOOO OVER YOU.