If you can.

I've had enough. Tired. Don't Promise me. Do it. I am not closing my doors. Just prove your worth! It's so hard to trust-- AGAIN. 

Give me a Break.

Okay. So here I am at home. Watching ‘A WALK TO REMEMBER’ for the nth time around. And I still can’t get enough of it. Just killing the time. I can’t sleep. And I don’t think if I can afford lying down doing nothing! It’s some kinda weird cause I’m from my 24 hr duty and I should be sleeping by now but here I am, wide awake, thinking of what else I could do aside from surfing the net, browsing photos, and watching movies. I just can’t stay IDLE.

Yeah, I am tired. Yeah, I could feel the abnormal beating of my heart. And yeah, I’m wishing that sleep will visit me now so that I could doze off. But nada nada—naught!

Earlier, I got stuck—trying to decide if I should draw/sketch or just watch movies. And I chose the latter, obviously—cause I was reminded that I downloaded some movies earlier this week! Yahooo! One of the movies I wanna watch is still on progress so my situation right now is like ‘i-don’t-have-a-choice-but-to-watch-A-walk-to-remember-because-i-don’t-have-any-movies-left-on-my-lappy’ and ‘it’s-either-you-watch-this-or-bore-yourself-to-death’. DESPERATE! I wanna sketch but I need good pencils and sharpeners and erasers. And I need to be inspired to draw. And I wanted something extra-ordinary. I wanna sketch people—and not just some cute-as-a-li’l-purring-cat kind of thing! I don’t wanna sketch/draw just because it’s cute. I want something I could be proud of. But hey, it’s not easy! I mean, I haven’t hold a pencil for a long time and I don’t think it’d be easy for me to sketch now. Back to zero. I’ve to practice again—have to get used to holding pencils and erasers again, before I could like REALLY DRAW! Enough of sketching/drawing.

Oh! yeah! I fell in love with this movie for like gazillion times and i can't get enough of it ;D :D :D

So yeah, here I am, watching this movie again! This is just one of those movies I can’t get enough with! One of the movies I head-over-heels feel in love with! And I could watch this gazillion times without getting bored. Hopeless romantic eh? :D 

So, gonna watch na! Will post some photos here real soon! REAL REAL SOON! :D

Ciao! God bless!

-xOxO-

Sam In-chik 

BREAK! TIME to CELEBRATE!

It's NOVEMBER 2 and it's my twin brothers birthday today. Well, they're not really my biological brothers but I treat them as my own brothers (pagbigyan na ang walang kuya). They've been my classmates since College-- BS-Biology ;) and 1 year after college grad, we saw each other again in the four corners of MSU-COM where we became friends (close one, i could say). Yey! They've been one of my confidants. They know most of the things other people don't know. They know what I'm feeling without even asking. They understand. And most of all, i know that they're just there-- always there (with Mama Shengot of course).

I am soooo thankful that we became friends. I can't remember a time where they speak ill of others. They're just one of the most kind, most down-to-earth persons I've known. They're never 'madamot'. They give and give and give without even expecting for something in return. I just admire these two-- they're relationship towards each other, and towards other people.

Okay, soooo much for my blabbering. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY Papa Jarred and Jeno Bibi! Thank you soooo much for anything. Thank you for the kindness, the patience; for understanding me-- my tantrums and all. Thank you for the friendship. And thank you for always being there. Yay! I feel so blessed to have you as my friends. My Brothers. My family. I LOVE YOU BOTH. May God shower you His endless blessings-- cause I believe you deserve all the goodness in this world.

Again, Happy Happy Happy Birthday to you :) Muchos ;)

More photos on my next post-- SOON! 

OB-GYNE CLERK

yeah. I am the sleepless OB-GYNE clerk. Alright. This is one of the most tiresome Departments ever and I'm not liking it. I mean, i just hate having to stay up the whole night tending to pregnant patient! Not even a minute sleep for 24 hours and it makes me really really annoyed and out of mood and i just wish the ground will just eat me! Dah! I hate the smell-- of blood, feces and vaginal discharges. I hate the smell-- of medicines, of the charts, and of the patients who seem to haven't had taken a bath for years! I hate the look of patients-- in pain, moaning, or else, screaming for help. I hate the chanting! I hate having to say "sige pa ma'am, hapit na ma'am. Naa na ang ulo oh' or 'walay makatabang nemu ma'am. tabangi emung self kay ikaw rajud makatabang semung kaugalingon'.

and one thing, some people are just so insensitive, they're getting irritating. The'd ask you to do't do it the the good way. It isn't hard saying "please" or "kindly" right? why do they have to shout as if you can't hear what they're saying? PISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSED! 

Hayst. I'm counting the days. Less that 3 weeks and we're sooo leaving OB. Yes, I'm enjoying but most o the time, i just feel like I wanna give up. Hahaaay! But it's okay! Adjusting. Can't wait for our COMMUNITY ROTATION. xD

Btw, Ciao for now. Charts to be referred. boooooo! 

when Boredom strikes, VANITY sets in :)

okay. so here goes my vanity again. NARCISSA sooo much! alright! i just can't help it. especially when i've nothing to do. Yeah, i am the clerk who sleeps a lot. who eats a lot. who strolls a lot. who talks a lot. who puts on make-up most of the time. I have sooo much FREE TIME now, i could do all of these. alright. I am BENIGN! Well, i believe i deserve all of these after getting intoxicated with lotsa patients in St. Mary's Maternity and Children's Hospital. I starved myself to death there, now i'm killing myself with lotsa FOOD :D hahahah. okay, so because I am BORED, imma post my photos here. me love love love my VANITY :) 

yey! at my crib 2 MSH Clerk's quarters :) 

BOREEEED!

ana jud na. hahahahah. boooo!

shy kunuhay :D

me LOVE!

last na unta ni but I can't get enough of myself. alright! i am a certified VAIN!

making faces could be fun you know :)

oh, that's my HELLO KITTY ribbon. Gave it to my maylabs Heidi ;) alright! the reason why ate STeffi calls me HELLO KITTY! 

yay! so, i got tired at last! SLEEP! cause i have the luxury to do so! xD

have a nice day fellas:)

mucho!

Sam In-chik ♥

the LAST ONE. 4th year, 2nd semester ♥

Okay. so here I am again. Yey! happiness. Today's our last enrollment. I mean, yeah. In my 4 years in medicine. Time flies so swiftly. On my 4th year, 2nd semester. Happy cause we are 5 months from our dreams. 5 more months before our graduation. :D but 5 months left for Class 2013 to bond together. Yay! i sooo love our batch. *sniff*


hey hey! COMPLETE at LAST! lemme share this class photo of ours. After 2 years of being classmates-friends-seatmates-groupmates. FINALLY, we had our batch picture. This was taken when we were still 3rd years. I sooo miss this moment-- when we'd see each other everyday for PBL or correlates, or group activities. 

Now, we barely see each other cause of hospital duties. I'm just glad that i belong in this batch. Nothing beats the friendship we had. VIVA CLASS 2013! goodluck and God bless to all of us!

mucho, 

sam in-chik :)

EYEBAGS!

Yay! seems like i haven't sleep for ages. My eyebags are sagging like hell and i'm not liking it. Less than 6 hours sleep in 2 days. Yesterday, we had our Medical Mission, an OMS Anniversary Project, in Pindugangan, Iligan City-- our community. We started around 130 and ended past 5 pm. The original plan was to start at 8am so that we could leave by 12 but it was moved. TWICE. I enjoyed the mission though. After that, we ate at Dear Manok-- Supper! And then headed to Sportsbuck in Tibanga for some partying. Went home around 1 am and wasn't able to sleep because I washed my clothes-- my 4 day uniform ;DD tinamad lang. Hahahah :D

Tomorrow, CENSUSSSSS! and I will be the presentor! yikes! hate it. I AM NOT READY!! STILL HAVE TO MAKE a PPT PRESENTATION! SHUCKS! so ciao. imma sleep for an hour or two. :)) Happiness!

LET THE RAIN FALL DOWN!

Hey, I'm back. And I'm here to blabber about some nonsense things. So many things i want to write about the past week but my laziness is overwhelming, I could hardly get to second paragraph. Yay!  So, here I am. I felt the need to update this blog after eons!

I wasn't able to jog btw for the past 2 weeks. Because of RAIN! and I hate it. And it usually rains early in the evening-- the time when i go out for a JOG. WHO WOULDN'T HATE IT? And because of stress and not eating on time-- despite eating only twice a day-- wheat bread/fruits and coffee in the morning and then vege/chicken and a cup of rice for lunch, I AM STILL GETTING FAT, Nah! Think my body's anticipating the time I skip my dinner-- so, it's storing MORE FATS-- for future use eh? 
RAIN RAIN GO AWAY. LET ME JOG! namaan!

near the old chowking-- 'twas raining so hard, my notes were soaked! :( Another reason why i hate rain. alright! 

☂ Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day. ☂

Jj\

Yey! Sa jeep. Aguinaldo Street? not really sure. Basta, near k Plaza ;))

and this, I MISS. 

Leggings/hot pants, running shoes, big Shirt and my knee pad. Have to use knee pads because i always fall. and because, i don't like Shin splints! 

Yey! I will surely miss jogging at night! 5-6 K and I'm loving it. The sweat, the feeling of exhaustion and the feeling of contentment. ENERGY BOOSTER..

Well, anyway, because I couldn't jog because of the rain, I'm back to DRAWING. Here are some of my drawings:

Caudeceus. Yeah. for our Satellite in Tambacan. I was so bored, I decided to draw. 

And I don't like the bareness of the walls. It's so gloomy. (don't mind the icecream. hehehe. thank you Bbing Piang (sir Billy Boy) for the ice-cream anyway! madaming utang? hekhekhek. :P )

 Still, for our satellite in Tamabacan. Done drawing-- was actually writing some medical quotes in there. 

Nothing-to-do-days :D  

Oh yeah, back to my obsession! Reading NOVELSSS! so miss this! naman. That drawing on my sketch pad? it's Avril Lavigne. Too bad- di ko nagawa ng tama! Hahaha. DREAMING WITH EYES WIDE OPEN!

So, ciao for now. Still have to wash my laundry and arrange my room! Past 11 PM. HUNGRY! 

Ki Utsukete Kudasaii :)))

muchooos :**

HANGING.

SO HISTORY repeated itself again. But does it matter now? NO. Thank you for everything. It was stupid of me to expect. I mean, come on, the answers were laid in front of me—before my very eyes but I let my stubbornness get in my way—blurring everything, making things even more complicated. Okay. So it’s my FAULT. MINE. ALONE. Not denying it. I WON’T. cause it’s USELESS. And I don’t wanna go round the bush. It’s tiresome having to repeat myself over and over again—like some pirated CDs. There’s no point explaining. It’s ALL MY FAULT—and nobody else’s. I’m SORRY. And THANK YOU. For leaving me hanging here. In mid-air. With no one to talk to. No one to understand. No one but me. 

want to be blind so i couldn't see you together ;(

It hurts to actually be blamed for something you've got nothing to do with. Seems like the crybaby in me was resurrected. I killed it long time ago, when i promised myself to always be strong, reminding myself over and over again that there's not a thing in this world that happens without a reason. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, that, i TATTOOED on my mind.

2 years had passed and everything seems to be perfect. I am already a third year Med Student-- survived the first 2 years of MED life already. I was happy. LIFE's been good to me. I always get what i want and i believe that i deserve all of 'em. EXCEPT of course for HEART MATTERS.. eii, i am never lucky when it comes to that thing.

ahmmm.. so, straight to what i wanna blabber here. I am hurt. BADLY. i am BADLY BRUISED. my HEART's broken again for reason i could hardly fathom.

NEUROLOGY MODULE EXAM will be on Monday, September 19 of this year. This Module is just one of the hardest modules here in our college. So, knowing that fact, we were all trying our best to study--to do good, if not, better. For these past few days, I was able to concentrate and study. i got to read almost 50% of the Neuroanatomy book we were asked to read. I was happy. I was enjoying my study. The AGUSTERO TWINS-- Papa Jarred and Jinu Bibi, and Mama Sheng were there, helping me. I was proud, of course. Three consecutive overnights. It feels good. I never thought i COULD ACTUALLY STUDY THAT HARD. The feeling-- it's overwhelming.

Everything was planned this week. everything was scheduled. But then, on the supposedly FOURTH DAY of STUDYING, something happened. It's not good you know.

Imma pour my everything in here. so this is what happened that day: Monday, we don't have a class. I went to the library to renew the book i borrowed (that was after the meeting with some of the senior clerks was over). then went to papa jarred's place. I actually told them that i'm gonna stay there again for that night to study (i can't study at my boarding house cause i always end up sleeping or FB-ing). I left my book in their place, and told them i'd be back later that afternoon. I went home, turned on my CUBEE (my netbook) and went OL. It was around 330 in the afternoon. By 4, i felt sleepy so i slept.

The vibration of my phone woke me up (I had it in a silent mode, so whenever i receive messages, it'll just vibrate). Half-awake, i took my phone and read the message. The first MESSAGE was more of an ACCUSATION rather than CLARIFICATION. The SECOND ONE, well you'd easily know that the one who sent it is ANGRY. all characters were in CAPITAL LETTERS.. and all ends with -!!- I was shocked of course. I don't know what was happening. I tried to call him to ask him what happened, but he won't answer my calls. instead, he t reply goes like this: "Don't bother! I'm not in the mood!"

It sucks you know. i didn't know a thing. I tried to clarify things but poor me, naught!


LATE POST! 

PARALYZED.

ONE NIGHT passed. Just one night and everything changed. I am not expecting this day to be good, worse, perfect. I am not expecting anything at all. I don't wanna be pessimistic but i can't just deny the fact that everything's not good today. I could hardly fake a smile. I'm at my blind side right now. This is bad. This is bad. This is bad. poooof! I could barely do the things I used to do.


KILL ME NOW. I WANNA DIE. like RIGHT NOW. Sheeeesh. BAD DAY. BAD ENVIRONMENT. BAD EVERYTHING. 

Irregularly irregular.

I could barely understand myself these past few days. BREAKEVEN-- that had been an LSS for like 2 weeks now and I don't know why. Singing at the top of my lungs when I'm alone in my room, trying to defeat the silence and win over insanity. It's just fugly that I had to go through this again after years of believing that I am okay. I am not sure anymore of what I wanted in my life. BACK to ZERO. NO PLANS. Nothing.


------------------xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx----------------------

BIRTHDAY FEVER!!

It's the 12th day of the month. and yey! HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY PHILIPPINES ;) How many years had passed since our country's independence btw? I ain't a history lover so I don't have that much clue about it. And i REALLY don't care so much about it cause I JUST HARE HISTORY-- the way that I HATE FILIPINO. TONGUE TWISTER, anyone? I mean, i don't like talking TAGALOG that much cause i get tongue-tied most of the time-- though many had mistaken me to be half Xtian, half-Muslim ;) BOOOO!

Anyway, enough of my nonsense whatever-that-pops-in-my-head-introduction. Anyway, I'm going to have a break today! Yey! It's holiday and our duty will be during the morning only. TIME for some strolling on the afternnon, when I'm done with that I-dunno-what-to-do requirements with Doc Marquez. BOOO! I hate.

And it's 2 of my friends birthday. Oh no. THREE. First, Adelfa, my Elementary schoolmate-slash-classmate-slash-neighbor-slash-bestfriend. Yeah. Happy happy birthday to you Adelfa dear. Hope to see you real real real soon-- with your baby ;)

Second, Ate Joh Darimbang. Oh, i miss you beyotch way too much and your pampering, and the times you'rescolding me. and the text messages. and your being way too maldita, wouldn't want to come near you cause I'm scared, any minute, you'll burst. I just miss you ;(( Hoping to see you real soon. Good luck on your Internship. Imma pray for you ;)

and lastly, BBng PIANG Billy Boy, Billy boy. Thank you for the friendship yo! how old are you na? hehehe. lard lang ng basketball with your knee support whatever. you will always be my basketbolistang pang. :D hahaha.

 i wish you all the best. May you be the happiest today. whatever it is that'll make you happy, as long as you know that you're not doing something wrong, then do it. Go for it. Before it's too late.

Again, HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you. And God bless you always. 

ENJOY your day. 

muchooos ;)

-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx-

NARCISSA in the MAKING ;)

Ok. so i got bored. and I badly wanna go to bed but I can't sleep. and Insomnia strikes in (blame that mug of coffee i had earlier). And I was looking for something fun to do but I couldn't think of anything else. I don't wanna read my book. nor do i wanna write anything. so tsa daa! this is what i did before insanity strikes in ;) PICTURE PICTURE ;)

yeah. i look freakishly awful. ok. but then what? ;PPP

KILL ME NOW. EYEBAGGGGGS!

TIME to sleep. BOOM BOOM! good night every one ;)

Don't mind my PANDA's  EYES. yeah! DARK CIRCLES ;) tsk tsk. 

Anyway, earlier this night, this is what I was doing. trying to STUDY. Reading E-BOOKS from chubs made me groggy and sleepy. Hahaha. and yeah, that's a MUG of MILK. Minutes before that, 'twas filled with COFFEE. BLACK COFFEE. Addicted. 

Imma sleep now. soo unhealthy. EAT. READ. SLEEP ROUTINE is getting boring.. Miss JOGGING every night or going to the gym. hayst. Imma say CIAO for now. GOOD NIGHT WORLD ;)


muchoooo ☺♥☺

BANGAG. SABOG. PAGOD.

Okay. Yeah, BANGAG ako ngayon. High. Badly wanna sleep but i just can't. Have to finish this paper-- I dont want to have that 15-day extension. DUH! Worked so hard. Did everything. I don't think if I deserve to have that extension.

I have actually finished this one hours ago.. Polishing it. Naman. Have to make sure that we won't have that much corrections. like PLEASE-- SPARE ME with your PERFECTION thingy! :(

So high. Though tired, I can't sleep. This headache, it's killing me. And with an empty tummy, what's worse than this? Yikes. I better keep going. Imma print this one so I could lie on my bed.

Ciao :))

Much much much love,
Sam In-chik ;)

Good bye MEDICINE?

yeah. I'd be saying bye bye to Medicine Department soon. Time flies so fast. But what matters to me right now is that I've learned a lot-- and I enjoyed my stay. The doctors, the nurses and the ward staff (except that beyotch.).. I'm sure, I'm going to miss them all. My almost a month stay in GTLMH had been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I made friends-- and made some frenemies. Well, talk about equity ;)

What I'm going to miss the most-- the OPD works, and the ER :) Yeah. The ER. Asking patients here and there, writing histories and prescribing meds, and of course, the ER pips. Ain't sure who are pretending and who are not-- i don't really care. Well, lemme say that it won't be my loss. I mean, pretending isn't an easy thing to do right? Anyways, in some ways, the ER pips are one of the reasons why i made it through Medicine department without losing my sanity ;)) yeah. They were the one who made me feel happy in so many ways, and grounded.

Imma post some of their photos here soon. Will ask for their permission first. yikes.

Good night fellas. :) GOD BLESS :)

FRINGES-- with a BANG!

alright. so i had my hair cut few days back. and i have fringessss-- yay! i totally love it. it's awesome BUT it always gets in my way when i'm on duty-- especially during rounds or when i'm in a 24 hour duty. yikes!


say hello to my fringe ;)

tsadaaa! hahaha. don't mind my freakin EYEBAGS!

meow n_n. i think, all i need is a whiskers-- and poof, i'd be a cat :)

purr purr :)

It's past 1 AM already and I should be sleeping now cause later, I have a duty. BUT I JUST CAN'T SLEEP. I turned my lappy on to make a requirement and to read but here i am, tweeting, FB-ing and updating my blogs :) hahahah. bad bad bad. imma post something in here soon :) when i'm done with my report and my next 24 hour duty..

ciao for now dear LOVE.. 

muchos. xOOx ;)

Irregularly irregular o___________O

Butter Coconut biscuits for Dinner. Too tired to go out, too lazy to eat. o___O alright, i look stupid. yeah. and this is some kinda blurry. blame choobs' cam :))

Alright, i am so stressed today. Was awake for more than 30 hours and i felt like dying earlier today. Just finished taking a bath and washing my uniforms. Last night in Sanitarium was soo fun. We had a celebration. But this morning, I almost cried. Waaah. yeah, when we were leaving MSH. Another 4 weeks in GTLMH. Shucks. I don't feel like going but i don't have a choice. It really sucks-- cause i got used to the people-- the nurses, ROD's, AP's in Sanitarium. I hate the feeling of being attached to them ;(

Doc Froi was teasing me around 5 AM today - about 2 hours before we left-- telling me I'd smell like hell once  I have my rotation in GTLMH. Well, he's right but nada nada nada. Imma miss him and the other ROD's-- DOc Padate, Doc Bimbo, Doc Shydin and Doc Wil. Shucks!! BOOO ROTATION. BOOO GTLMH. :((

Anyway, we brought SOL with us-- that Dish Rack we called SOL, short for SPACE OCCUPYING LESION (thanks to Voltaire ;P). I just can't bear leaving SOL in MSH- with those heartless (not all of them thoug) people. Hahahah :) alright. When we got into our Quarters in GT, the feeling sucks. Yeah. Nauseated actually. I didn't like the smell. Made me wanna puke right then and there-- plus the piles of styro near the sink. And i hate the STINKY SMELL of it. yay! Good thing, i had my Bench spray with me-- to the rescue :) Sprayed it all over the room-- in front of the aircon. Tsadaa! instant air freshener :) Also changed the beddings, which I think, they haven't changed for eons. Arranged the tables, wash the dishes, sweep te floor-- clean the room, that is :) Not yet done though cause i was way too tired to finish it all by myself. Imma finish cleaning it tomorrow. Sorry to those of no use to the room but imma throw all of 'em :)

Anyway, i have slept for like 2 hours in the quarters. Hahahah. Didn't finish my ward works-- couldn't do it cause i feel like soo groggy, so dizzy to write :)

blabbering way too much. nonsense. nonsense. nonsese. imma go. :) ciao!

S/P PREVIOUS (34 hr Duty)

Yay! 2 more 24 hour duty and gonna say bye-bye to MSH- Medicine Department. Sad. Yes I am. Because I don't feel like leaving. I have learned to love the people there; the RODs, the PODs, the ER Nurses and the Ward Nurses. I had fun though there were times when i just feel like giving up ;)

Hayst, TIME REALLY is GOLD. How it flies sooo fast. It's 04 May 2012. Yay! I'm looking forward to my 2nd to the last 24 hour duty today :) Yeah. Yesterday, we had 3 CODE BLUES (meaning, we had these 3 Emergency situations where you have to save a patient who is almost dying or revive someone who just died-- don't really know how to explain it). Alright. So, the very first Code Blue that we have was around 4 in the morning. The patient who is in her early 50s had difficulty breathing and chest pains less than 10 minutes before she was brought to the ER-- according to her husband. When they arrived in the ER, the wife is already lifeless. No heartbeat, very low pulse, with dilated pupils. We tried our very best to resuscitate her-- to revive her but it's all a naught. the 20 doses of epinephrine, the CPR, the ambubagging and all. I was actually looking at her husband who seemed to not care-- i mean, flat affect. It was just so sad-- pretending to be strong you know. When Doc Timonera declared that the wife's dead already and there's nothing that we can do about it, the husband suddenly broke down into tears. It was a very sad scene. I left the ER immediately fearing that i might do the same. CRYBABY indeed. 

Okay, so have slept for like an hour or two when one of my classmates woke me up. the reason? another CODE BLUE. Adrenaline rush. I was able to prep within 3 minutes :) When i got in the ER, there's chaos. A staff from MSU-IIT had a heart attack. First, there was DOB then restlessness then loss of consciousness. It was a bloody one. there's Pleural effusion and Pleural congestion. I don't know if it's hemoptysis or what. Would wanna do CPR but the nurses and some of the medical clerks- my classmates- were already doing the CPR. so I was left with no choice but do the ambubagging and suctioning. Blood spattered everywhere. It was an eye-opening one. I love CODE BLUES but I don't like it when we're not able to save patients. It was sad cause the patient is barely in her early forty. It's also some kinda scary seeing people die of heart attack at an early age. yay!

Anyway, i enjoyed my stay in MSH as a medicine clerk. Im hoping that my duty in GTLMH would also be fun too. LEARNING-- yeah. cnstantly learning-- i am :) 

Will miss you MSH. See you real soon :)

Nothing Special

I don't feel good today. Been sleepy the whole day long. I hate taking anti-histamines but I don't have a choice. I hate you ALLERGIC RHINITIS. I was sooo sleepy the whole presentation. I have even slept at the library while I was making our powerpoint presentation. BAD. 

LUNCH TIME-- Jam invited us. It's her father's birthday. Don't really feel like going but I'd rather go than stay in the library and sleep. Shame! Hahahaha. Enjoyed though-- because of their dogs. And taking pictures of the cakes and the ships and the wines :) 

here are some of the photos btw:

they're like big chess pieces.. i dunno what you call these :)

and the cake. took picture of this because of the JUSTICE LEAGUE especially SUPERMAN :)

a kiddie-cake eh? hehehehe :)

and the SHIP-inspired cake. COOL!

bottles of TEQUILA near the entrance door. LOVE the color :)

Tequila Reserva 1800 silver :) cuteee :)

And the Tequila Reserva 1800 Rebosado.

and some boxes of cigarettes :)

perfect combination eh?

:)))

and their ship collection :)

WHITE ONE! i like :))

and their dogs :))

Bubu and the cutest dog ever-- that li'l pup there which looks like a stuffed toy.. soooo FLUFFY:))

I enjoyed the dogs. supeeeeer.. Thank you Jam for this Day. Happy birthday to your Dad :)

INSOMNIA.

GOOD MORNING!

It's past 1 AM already and I'm still awake. Mother dear is here and she's been nagging me to go to sleep. hahahaha.. Of course, i have to reason out: making powerpoint for our presentation tomorrow. Yay! But I was not able to do it cause my lappy don't have the ppt program. Poor me.

Just passed by btw :) will be sleeping in a few minutes cause my eyes hurt already :PP I will update this blog later this day after our presentation. HOPEFULLY. Have lotsa things to say-- lotsa things to open up cause i hate bottling 'em all inside :)

so, ciao for now. Take care!

much LOVE :))

confusion. questions. ambiguity.

so, yeah, i know i made a mistake again. i always did. it's not new to me. blame me. go on. i'd take it. no hurt feelings.

before, every time i close my eyes, i felt my chest cavity tightens. i felt empty. it's not a secret. i can lie to every one but not to myself. i felt ashamed for having a weak heart. but then, how would deal with it-- i don't really know. the fact that i should learn to live in this kind of situation made me feel worse. i hardly know what to do. i felt worse as each day pass-- bitter. it's tragic.

nothing seems to be alright. everything spins around my head. like a roller coaster ride. i fear almost everything. every morning is a torture. every day is hell. everything is unclear. bizarre. my future seemed to be so dark.

i knew nothing. i felt betrayed. like an acid poured on a bleeding heart, i felt weak. useless. usurped of my own strength. i once had it all--but i also lost it all, in a blink of an eye. like a bullet train. like a thunder. it hit me strong. i was stuck in my past.

but realization hit me. back to my composure ( i never thought i'd be able to do it). it was hard but it's the only way to save my soul. my heart. myself. i thought it was not possible but i was proven wrong. yeah, it was not easy but it's possible.

i was able to stand on my feet again. strong. nothing seem to be daunting. every thing is perfect. or seemed to be perfect.

but should i say that i was wrong again? here you are. confusing me all over again. i really don't know what is it with you. i don't know if i should believe you. after every thing that had happened, i really couldn't understand everything. back to zero. naught. 

to my dismay, i could not decide. they'd say i should stop pretending i am ok when i'm not. they'd tell me every now and then to give everything a chance. someone would always tell me to give it one more shot. cause friendship is something i should treasure.

but what should i do? forgiving is an easy thing to do. but forgetting? huh! 

remember maya? remember the days when we'd talk bout her? remember how u once told me HISTORY WON'T REPEAT ITSELF AGAIN? remember what you've promised me before?

it sucks! but i could still remember everything. i didn't feel betrayed. i was hurt. i am hurt. and worse, i couldn't forget it-- i couldn't forget the pain. and who caused it. 

well, here i am again. sabi ko nga, back to ZERO. it's like 'game over'. play it all over again. but this is what bothers me: can i still play the same old game again knowing the fact that in the end, i will just lose? or take it that i may not lose, but would you still let me play something you know will cause heartaches and leave sad memories? my mind says, GAME OVER. STOP IT! YOU ARE NOT STUPID TO DANCE WITH FIRE AGAIN. but my heart says the opposite. my heart says forgive and forget. my heart says, 'this is life. it has it's downfalls'. my heart says 'life's not just about laughing and being happy but it is also about crying and getting your heart broken'. 

well, if ever we never speak again after this, please know that I’m forever changed because of you and what you’ve done to me. what you taught me. 

thank you.


[a letter to someone i once knew. i miss this person. but memories are all that's left between us now. sayonara]. 

blah blah blah.. this is nonsense!

I don't get to post regularly nowadays. just some kinda busy with junior clerkship and I'm HATING it. like, I get tired almost everyday. I don't get to rest. Every other day 24hr duty sucks. I HATE OB-GYNE department. TOXICCCCC! and yeah, the smell. it SUCKS! really. I don't know how we did it-- staying in the delivery room for hours- especially in City Hospital. And I hate the thought that I get to meet very young mothers-- as young as 15v years old. What the heck! Population Explosion! I can't seem to fathom what the hell they were thinking! Namaaaan eh!

anyways, here at my room right now. It's past 12 MN already and i still can't sleep. Another 24hour duty today! yay! Another day of not being able to eat on time-- or not eat at all. another day of smelling like hell. Another day of sweating. Another day of feeling like you're in hell! And I am not exaggerating. Monday- REVALIDA. Haven't yet opened my GYNE book. Not sure either if the case they'd be giving to us is an OB or GYNE. namaan. torture! supeeer. like i wanna scream out loud, get out of med school and just stay at home! But i just can't. On my way to 4th year and i couldn't just ignore the things my parents did for me.

Better get some sleep. I'm off. will update after REVALIDA. i hate. good day!

CPC day

reckless that i am.. i couldn't seem to find my phone. okay, so desu ni? i am here right now at our annual CPC. and i am not listening cause i can't find my effin PHONE. ARGHHHHH! I have to find it or else I AM DEAD. naman. katangahan lang talaga. tanga sa lahat ng tanga. STUPIDITY at its best. tsk.

been looking for it for like 20 minutes now but to my dismay, i coudln't find it. GOODBYE cellphone? and GOODBYE SUPERMAN? okay. nada nada.. enough of me blabbering. have to look for it pa. BAD DAY! good bye!

Valentines Day-- nothing special ;)

It’s February 14. Happy Valentine’s Day! Well, yeah, I am sooo happy. My parents were here this day. But too bad, I have a class. Kakain sana kami sabay-sabay, too bad, our supposedly 830 class started at around 11 am. Tsk. Late na tuloy kami natapos (around 1230 pm).. I went home straight after that but they said that they’re going home na. Waaaah. It some kinda saddened me but what can I do? ‘twas all my fault. Naman kasi.. But I’m happy that they’re together this day. Though we were not able to spend sooo much time together (i mean, the three of us), seeing them together, happy, is enough for me to be happy. Yeah. No Valentine’s Date, no chocolates, no bouquet of flowers. But then so what? I don’t need ‘em anyway. :D

Anyway, I was not able to attend the courtesy call this afternoon. I was late so I decided not to attend. Hahaha. Bad, I know. Lazinesssss! I just went back to the city to eat and stroll. But I first Donated blood to the RED CROSS! Hurray!! Hahaha. After 5 long years, I was able to donate again. It feels good you know. J The needle is soooo BIG. As in! Hahaha.. And I got another RC card and a wrist band! Hahaha.. After RED CROSS, POPROCK. Had this moist chocolate cake, a baked mac and Fettuccine J (TAKAW lang noh? Bad trip kasi umuwi sina mother dear and dadootz ng maaga). POLYPHAGIA. Alright! I ENJOYED THE FOOD THOUGH. I will be missing 2 meals (oatmeal –Quaker Oats—and nesvita—they’re my staple food nowadays plus lotsa FRUITS). Yeah, I’m on a DIET cause I’m effin getting fat that my uniforms won’t fit me anymore. Okay. What else? After POPROCk, we (twinnie and me) went to Gmall to buy some stockings. But we ended up watching THE DARKEST HOUR. It’s a good movie. Pero nakulangan pa din ako. :D Went home after the movie.

And here I am. I planned earlier that I’m going to finish our requirements in Surgery (history and PE) but I ended up FB-ing, tweeting and updating this blog. Hahahah. Can’t help it. Im Sorry. Have lots of things to say but I don’t have time na. I will be posting Photos here soon! I’m some kinda getting lazy nowadays! And I feel sooo tired.

Anyway, GOODBYE SURGERY DEPARTMENT, hello OB-GYNE DEPARTMENT. I’m gonna miss SURGERY a lot. One of the best departments ever. Well, nightmare start! 24hour duty every other day! Yay! I HATE it but imma take it as an opportunity for my DIET PROGRAM. No to starvation. Hahahah :D

LASTLY: I wanna share also something. I just helped a friend make his very first move to show this girl how much he loves her. Oh my!! Sweeeeeeet~~ J Kiliggg to the max lang ang peg ko. Alright! Enough of this. Imma sleep now cause I’d be waking up 3 or 4 hours after to finish my requirements! It’s 11 pm already. Ciao. God bless J Ki utsukete Kudasaii.

going through Day TWO

It's so weird. I totally don't feel good today. Cramping epigastric pain. It sucks. I could barely move my body. One li'l move and like an electricity, the pain runs from my abdomen to my lower back. They were teasing me, saying I'm in labor. Dang! I hate 'em. If only they knew what it feels like..how I'm feeling! Dang!

It's DAY TWO. I some kinda miss you. Well, i was missing you already-- even before you left. Imagine that? hahahaha. ok. bow. :D Awww. yeah. It's no joke. Cause I wanna tease you and all. Especially with Ms. H.. The FACIAL EXPRESSIONS :) hahaha.. ok. desu ni!

Ahmm. Done with my more than 30 hour duty from City Hospital. Yehey! I was able to make it.. I did it. DAY 1 Down. Yikes. Thanks to City Hospital for making me busy the whole day through. Thank you stab wounds, hacking and all trauma patients-- for the dressings and suturing activities (yeah, did suture some wounds yesterday). It made me busy. It made me not think about anything. I know it sounds selfish but there's nothing else that I can do but say thanks to all of you :)

Yikes. I'm dead tired today-- I just wanna lie down my bed and sleep.. but I just can't. still have to wash my SCRUB SUIT. shucks! I hate. Hahahah.. Hoping for a very TOXIC day tomorrow. Sana lang. I wanna suture wounds again.. Enjoying Surgery Department.

Goodluck to me.. and to you, take care always my SUPERMAN!
I miss you. and God bless..

anyway, thank you for his February 14. EFFORRRRRRTT much. thanks sooo much.
It's really not hard loving you. Yikes!

See you soon. REAL SOON :)))
:*

Day One

FIRST DAY. yay! It's already past 7am and I KNOW I'm late for duty. but duh! I don't feel like going. Some kinda getting lazy today. BAD. Just done taking a bath. Shoot!

Playing that song again. Wait for you by Elliott Yamin. LSS. Can't get over it and I don't know why. Hope I could make it.. This is just the first day. It actually sucks! yay!

SCREAM out LOUD. Stupidity at its best. LAZY! Now, hopeless and helpless. SUCKS! I can get through this day.. and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. Not gonna grieve. k..

some lines from a poem from the past:

Have you ever felt,
Like you were holding a fragile heart,
That could break any second,
And then it shatters,
And you don't know how to fix it..

FIXING a BROKEN HEART.
Ciao..



for now.

this ain't GOODBYE..

what's good in saying goodbye? NOTHING!

it's been so long since the last time I posted something in this blog. Been sooo busy with my duty! HOORAY! I'm a certified JERK (Junior Clerk). Yeah. Doing hospital works is no good. Received 2 vaccines for safety reasons, doing grand rounds (meaning, you're going to stand for over an hour for one patient discussing his/her case), checking if there's progress, dressings, conferences and the likes.. It's some kinda tiresome but I could do nothing at all.

but anyway, I'm not here to talk about my being a certified JERK. I'm gonna talk about my bestfriend. my Tatay. A HighSchool classmate/friend. :)

We've met again after eons last December. Thank you to another friend, Nashiba Didaagun aka NASH DEE. And thank you to TYPHOON SENDONG. Ok. I was some kinda active with the med missions and giving relief goods that time. I always went to Marawi City to get donations, then back here again to distribute 'em. That had been my routine for 4-5 days I think. December 20, 2011 when we (I was with Nash, Hannah and Alay or Elay)decided give more reliefs to the victims. I was the one who has a contact with one of the Muslim youth leaders here in Iligan City. That day, tsa da! reunion :)I never thought he's been here for like 3 months already. We don't have communication anyway. Enough! hahaha.. too much intro. :)

Okay, yeah. We got closer and I don't know why. Hahaha. He's a good friend. He's a brother. Younger brother na ang sarap asarin (those facial expressions. haha).

well, he just left for Tangub City (I don't know where that place is. All I know is that it's near Zamboanga and it's a part of Misamis Occidental. bow). So, he was pulled out from here :)

yay! thank you soooo much tatay/bestfriend/bff :)) imma miss you. This aint goodbye.. See you soon. Real soon..



gwapo ang tatay ko noh? hahahah.. cropped this one actually. sorry tay. ;D



last photo of us together.. sa poprock. lunch time :))
(we were with ate Mimi..)

k. bow. bye.. FEBRUARY 06,2012

:))