I'm sorry, I LOVED YOU.

This will be some kinda long entry. I’m hurt and I wanna blabber tonight. Just this night. Forget about the Palakasan. Forget about the outreach programs and the victims of the Typhoon Sendong. Forget about the things that had happened the past few days! I just feel miserable today that I even wanted to forget him and everything about him. HIM. Mr. C. Second.

Today could have been good if only that thing didn’t happen. I just wanna scream out loud and cry. It actually sucks to feel this thing. It’s not good you know. But I know that these are my entire fault. Not him. Not anybody else. I know months before that I’m just gonna hurt myself if I continue loving him. But what can I do? I just can’t suppress the feeling. I can’t stop my heart from beating.

I should have stopped months before. I know my place. I should have just heed what my head was telling me. But I don’t know what kept me going. The purity of my intention? Of my heart? The feeling of happiness whenever he’s around? The feeling of having someone to love? I really don’t know. But yes, I am happy whenever he’s near. Just the thought of him makes me smile. Stupid eh? But can I blame myself? Sorry, but no I won’t. I am not desperate looking for someone to love cause I believe that everyone around me is worth all the love in this is never a part of my priorities. Falling in love is never on my list. But I did. After a very long time. I am not in despair. I never was.

Anyways, I get hurt almost every day. I never liked the feeling. Who would wanna get hurt? Yes, i became happy every time I see him. But that happiness is always –ALWAYS- accompanied by sadness ad heartaches. I could feel the pain pierce through my very being. But I couldn’t stop the overflowing emotion I had for him. Yeah. It’s weird. Cause I always felt like I’m always in control of everything—including my emotions. But I was wrong. Don’t hate me for being such a weakling—a chicken shit. You don’t know what I’m feeling. You don’t know what I went through. I cannot say I will stop this. I wanted to but I know I can’t. I will try. But I won’t force myself. Cause I don’t wanna hurt myself. I will try. I will try. Sooner, I’d be over him. The way that i got over #BigLetter. Sooner. But for now, I will let my heart love him. I will let my heart feel all the pain—accept all the heartaches. Til I couldn’t take it anymore. Til I get numb. Til my heart says ‘it’s over. And it’s time to move on’. Til I find myself getting used to being alone.

Mr. C, I know it's not right. I'm sorry, I loved you.

BUSY. TIRED.

Been so busy these past few days because of our Palakasan (i am one of the coordinators for Mr. and Ms. Medicine and Wannabe. I also became one of the support systems of the Pop Dancers) and because of our Outreach Programs. I badly wanna post more here but I am just too tired and too sleepy to think and encode. I just wanna lay in my bed and sleep right now! HAHAHA..

Goodbye. I will update this blog soon.. Godbless ya all. Take Care!

GO FIGHT WIN!

I am just sooo happy that I belong in this group. Doraemons on the go! Go Fight Win Blueming! Go Fight Win! Goooooo Doraemons!!!

BUSY :D

Been so busy these past few days. being a coordinator is no joke. Yikes! FIRST TIME! Been walking and walking looking for costumes, delivering food and cheering for the team. BLUEMING. Mga Imba nga Gadoctor. Yey! But all the pain (the muscle pain, especially calf muscle) are worth it. Our team is enjoying every game. We're not bitter. Win or lose, we are happy cause we all believe that God gives us what is best for us :)

Anyways, for the Music Video-- yehey! We've done it at last. We are 2nd after three long years :DD And for 3 years, we're the Quiz Bee champion. Grand slam! :) yahooo!

I just love this batch. No bitterness. We're just having the time of our life. Hahahahah :D We'll never be bitter-- but we'll always be grateful cause God made us BETTER. Fair!

Btw, tonight's gonna be the Kansay. Excited much for my alagas (Wannabe and Pop Dancers). Support all the way! :D Too bad, I won't be able to see Papa E anymore. Hahahaha. Such a very good dancer. Waaaaah..

til here.. Will be busy again. yay! Ciao. God bless :))

again!

TIRED. again and again. Just got up. And I'm dead. I should be at school this time. But nah, i don't think if my aunt will allow me to go out. It's past 8PM already. Yay! I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. They need my make-up for the parade tomorrow. I don't think i would wanna go there too. I don't feel like going. I just wanna lay down and sleeeeeeeeeeeep. -___-

IDLE. IDLE. IDLE. yay! But let me be idle for some time please? Been so busy these past few days. Rehearsals, looking for things needed for the wannabe, wigs, shoes, makeups, shorts, etc and cooking food.

Tomorrow's the big day. After weeks of preparation, here comes PALAKASAN 2011. I'm hopeful that everything will be fine-- that we, the class 2013, will make it. I also hope and pray that we all enjoy. tada tada tada! Enough of my blabbering. I'm tired already. HAHAHAHAHA. Will just post soon here, if I got time... and if laziness won't strike me. yay! CIAO internet world. Take Care!

*will be watching 'THE SYLVIAN EXPERIMENT', 'THE MATRIX TRILOGY' and 'IT'S A BOY GIRL THING' :)) MOVIE MARATHOOOOON. ;D

sam sam Ü ;))

HAPPINESS overload :))))

YEHEY!! I am SOOOOO HAPPY today. Finally. The result of our hema module exam's out. AND YES, I PASSED. hahahaha.. I am sooo happy! Yay! I've worked so hard for it. SLEEPLESS NIGHTS! GOD is GOOD! That's the best gift ever for this sem. Thank you GOD--- sooo much!

anyways, I'd be out later cause we're going to have the wannabe rehearsal again. And I'm going cause I'd be able to see Mr. DI there :) Yay! IGAT mode :))) Hahaha. I'm just happy. Okay?

later on this night, Imma write the Chocs, and encode it for the nonpassers. Yikes. I just hope and pray that they'll all pass the retake. But anyway, i'm just gonna enjoy this PALAKASAN. We have our Jerseys and jogging pants na. I don't like the jogging paaaaaaants ;( It's soooo tight. Yikes! Hmpf!

Gonna be busy the next few days so ciao! GO FIGHT WIN DORAEMONS!!

EXAM-- it's all OVER.

Our hematology modular exam's over at last. And I'm happy about it. The exam was hard. No. It was a BIT hard. Well, not really. I was not sure with my answers. HAHAHAHA. But what's important tto me right now is that it's ALL OVER. Yay! I'm just hoping that I will pass that exam. I don't wanna think about hema again. I don't wanna study again. Yikes! It's tiresome. And it's a waste of time :D

Next week will be our Palakasan. And yes, I am sooo excited. No classes. No uniform. Strolling and cheering and eating. Well, it means FREEDOM for us. Or maybe, a BIG BREAK. No books. No PBL sessions. No correlates. Yey!

It's friday. I should be at home this afternoon but yay, being one of the coordinators of the wanna-be, I can't just go home. PRACTICE later here. Not really happy though. I just wanna go home. But being the responsible person that I am (ahem), I have to STAY here and be with them. I need to be with them. I have to make sure that everything will be okay during the competition-- that we're all ready. Yay! Waaaaaaah.

But i'm just gonna enjoy this day. I'm gonna cook for them. Yey!! Hahaha. And Mr. C's gonna be here. OVERNIGHT. FUN.

For that OMS party, ain't sure yet if I could go. Hahahahaha.. Sorry good. Haven't bought anything yet. Let's just see what'll happen later. Yikes! GOOD DAY fellas :))

EXAM FEVER.

Our exam was moved again for the second time around. And I hope that they're not gonna move it again. They're just prolonging the agony. I got tired of studying and studying. It's getting boring, and sad.

Our exam will be tomorrow at 1pm. Yikes. I'm sooo positive right now. I could pass this exam. :) I'm gonna have my last REVIEW this night. Still NEED to drink coffee though to keep me awake. Yeah, COFFEE is one of my MUST-HAVES when studying, aside from highlighters, pen and lotsa FOOD. :)

Earlier this afternoon, we cleaned the sala and rearranged it. And I was satisfied with how it looks now. It's more spacious. Those boxes filled with disposable gloves and syringe, the books, and all those crap-- yay! They finally found their place :) I felt sooo dirty that I took a bath after-- and because I was soo tired, I've slept for over an hour. I still feel tired til now though. But I couldn't complain. I shouldn't complain. This is going to be a good night. POSITIVE VIBES. POSITIVE ENERGY. :))

Well, wish me luck. I'm going to start studying at 9pm today (time check: 8:39pm). FOCUS. CONCENTRATE. Yay! I can do this. I must. Hahaha.. ciao for now yo! God bless us all. ♥

FOOD. a must-have when studying.

Well, I've been studying real hard these past few days. Yikes, ang yabang! Hehehehe.. But it's true. Sleepless nights. Sagging eyebags. What else? oh, my immune system is down. Intermittent fever. Myalgia and headache. Yeah. But I'm not complaining cause I know that at the end of these all, i will be happy. I'm trying my best to pass the last two exams-- and be on the top 5. Nangarap? well, yeah. Nothing's wrong with it right? I mean, it's not impossible.

I'm some kinda optimistic right now. Hahahaha. The 2 mugs of coffee every night, and icecream, and food. I've put on so much effort on this module. I need a GOOD result. Yikes. I must admit though that I haven't finished reading 3 chapters yet. But I'm gonna do all that I can to read that remaining 3 chapters this night. (hey, I'm waiting AGAIN for that coffee to take its effect ^__^). Okay. That is NO EXCUSE. Just had my 3-in-1 coffee + another sachet of Nescafe stick. I'm gonna have another cup later this night. Too much caffeine eh? NOT really good for one's health.

Anyway, I'm gonna talk about food today. YEAH. FOOD. I've been eating and eating and eating. And I'm getting FATTER. I know it. I could feel it. In fact, one of my pants doesn't fit anymore. HAHAHAH. It's TOO TIGHT. Yikes. Time for a diet? NO. Maybe, next year. That's impossible to do right now. And I just need lots of food when studying. My brain needs GLUCOSE so that it could function well. And for this night, I had my bread, coffee, a glass of Coke and Icecream. Too much eh? Anyway, this is what I look like today. Haggard. Yeah. Posing with my Cornetto icecream :))

And yeah, I do use reading glasses when I'm studying at home. But I don't wear in public places. Hahahaha. People here don't get it. They think that it's just a decoration. and it's making me feel disgusted. As for me, they're not for decoration or fashion purposes.

More of me :)

Yeah, that's the new cornetto disc. Well, it tastes great. Hahahaha. Enjoyed the chocolate chip :P

Til here. It's past 9 already. Need to study. Ciao for now. God bless :)

STUDY. STUDY. and STUDY.

I just woke up from a long sleep. I slept for over 5 hours. I was actually planning to wake up by 12 midnight. but dang! I was not able to do it. Hahahaha. Sleepyhead me.

I'm dead. Supposedly, we're gonna have our exam today, at 9am. Yikes! Good thing, it was moved to Wedbnesday, 1pm. Yehey. Thank God! We were given more time to STUDY more. And this time, I'm not gonna waste my time-- and this chance.

I still need to read around a hundred more pages ;(. It's just too bad that I'm getting sickly these past few days. Headache, body pains, and this not-really-that-serious rhinorrhea. I HATE!

After this exam, I promise I'm gonna treat myself. ICECREAAAAAAAAAAAM :))) I'm gonna watch movies (movie-marathon) and stroll and stroll and stroll :P

Yay! I better stop here. Need to read more. Ciao Fellas.

Have a BREAK :)

It's already 3:37 in the morning. Yay! finished 2 MUGS of coffee. I just hope I won't feel any palpitations later-- especially during the exam. Anyways, just done studying! Yay! I am such a good girl. hahahah. Oh, alright. I'm just having a 20 minutes break. I just got tired of reading. My head's spinning xD I'd be reviewin later. YEAH. REVIEW :)) (happy eh?)

Studious eh? hahahaha.. I just hope and pray I could remember all the things I read earlier today. Crossed fingers. I've studied way too hard and it'd be unfair if I won't be able to answer during our LAB exam, right? HAHAHA. FOOL.

Dang! Headache. Yay! I could still bear it. Hehehe.. I am actually reading news online. We don't have TV here so I don't know what's happening worldwide. Really. Pathetic. Well, that's what someone can get being a MED STUDENT. Most of us just don't have MUCH time watching TV (or am I the only one?). But my classmates do have time watching series-- and we all have time FB-ing, watching Music Videos on Youtube and surfing the internet for hours. HAHAHAHAH. Weird! But anyways, I am trying my best to lessen my net surfing time to 3 hours a day. Yeah, I know, that is still too much. But it's my way of tapering(?) it (I don't know what word to use anyway!).

Whew. I'm the only one awake in this three-storey house, aside from that mouse who kept on nimbling on my things (arggggh, imma kill you soon!). LEAVE MY ROOM!! hahahah.

Low back pain. No, I'm not that old-- okay? Just bad posture. I'm gonna do some stretching later after praying. :) InshaAllah :)

Well, gonna say ZOOM ZOOM! Wanna read more articles online. And watch news too :) Heheheh. I still care for the world. So, Ciao.

Goodbye November, Hello December!

It's December 1. 5 minutes more and dang! December 2. I'm planning to stay awake the whole night today to STUDY. but unfortunately, seems like I can't concentrate. I'm now waiting for the coffee to have its effect on me. Waaaaah.. I need to study. I have come to study because tomorrow will be our Laboratory Exam (Hematology Module). Hooray! It's the 2nd to the last exam we'll be having. Expect for the worst. Yeah! After Hema, we'll have our Oncology Module then off to Junior Clerkship (a bit nervous. yikes!). I just wish and pray that we'd be able to do it-- that we'll all do good in our Junior Clerkship. Hahayst!

So, ciao for now. I'm gonna start flipping the pages of my notes, read, comprehend-- REAL STUDY. I hope I could finish it within 2 hours so that I could review 'em. BE POSITIVE! Yay! Pray for US folks! Good luck to us Class 2013.. Let us be 54 til APRIL 2013 (graduation day!)

Hehehehe :))

A minute before 12 midnight. Ciao.. Much LOVE..