HANGING.

SO HISTORY repeated itself again. But does it matter now? NO. Thank you for everything. It was stupid of me to expect. I mean, come on, the answers were laid in front of me—before my very eyes but I let my stubbornness get in my way—blurring everything, making things even more complicated. Okay. So it’s my FAULT. MINE. ALONE. Not denying it. I WON’T. cause it’s USELESS. And I don’t wanna go round the bush. It’s tiresome having to repeat myself over and over again—like some pirated CDs. There’s no point explaining. It’s ALL MY FAULT—and nobody else’s. I’m SORRY. And THANK YOU. For leaving me hanging here. In mid-air. With no one to talk to. No one to understand. No one but me. 

want to be blind so i couldn't see you together ;(

It hurts to actually be blamed for something you've got nothing to do with. Seems like the crybaby in me was resurrected. I killed it long time ago, when i promised myself to always be strong, reminding myself over and over again that there's not a thing in this world that happens without a reason. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, that, i TATTOOED on my mind.

2 years had passed and everything seems to be perfect. I am already a third year Med Student-- survived the first 2 years of MED life already. I was happy. LIFE's been good to me. I always get what i want and i believe that i deserve all of 'em. EXCEPT of course for HEART MATTERS.. eii, i am never lucky when it comes to that thing.

ahmmm.. so, straight to what i wanna blabber here. I am hurt. BADLY. i am BADLY BRUISED. my HEART's broken again for reason i could hardly fathom.

NEUROLOGY MODULE EXAM will be on Monday, September 19 of this year. This Module is just one of the hardest modules here in our college. So, knowing that fact, we were all trying our best to study--to do good, if not, better. For these past few days, I was able to concentrate and study. i got to read almost 50% of the Neuroanatomy book we were asked to read. I was happy. I was enjoying my study. The AGUSTERO TWINS-- Papa Jarred and Jinu Bibi, and Mama Sheng were there, helping me. I was proud, of course. Three consecutive overnights. It feels good. I never thought i COULD ACTUALLY STUDY THAT HARD. The feeling-- it's overwhelming.

Everything was planned this week. everything was scheduled. But then, on the supposedly FOURTH DAY of STUDYING, something happened. It's not good you know.

Imma pour my everything in here. so this is what happened that day: Monday, we don't have a class. I went to the library to renew the book i borrowed (that was after the meeting with some of the senior clerks was over). then went to papa jarred's place. I actually told them that i'm gonna stay there again for that night to study (i can't study at my boarding house cause i always end up sleeping or FB-ing). I left my book in their place, and told them i'd be back later that afternoon. I went home, turned on my CUBEE (my netbook) and went OL. It was around 330 in the afternoon. By 4, i felt sleepy so i slept.

The vibration of my phone woke me up (I had it in a silent mode, so whenever i receive messages, it'll just vibrate). Half-awake, i took my phone and read the message. The first MESSAGE was more of an ACCUSATION rather than CLARIFICATION. The SECOND ONE, well you'd easily know that the one who sent it is ANGRY. all characters were in CAPITAL LETTERS.. and all ends with -!!- I was shocked of course. I don't know what was happening. I tried to call him to ask him what happened, but he won't answer my calls. instead, he t reply goes like this: "Don't bother! I'm not in the mood!"

It sucks you know. i didn't know a thing. I tried to clarify things but poor me, naught!


LATE POST! 

PARALYZED.

ONE NIGHT passed. Just one night and everything changed. I am not expecting this day to be good, worse, perfect. I am not expecting anything at all. I don't wanna be pessimistic but i can't just deny the fact that everything's not good today. I could hardly fake a smile. I'm at my blind side right now. This is bad. This is bad. This is bad. poooof! I could barely do the things I used to do.


KILL ME NOW. I WANNA DIE. like RIGHT NOW. Sheeeesh. BAD DAY. BAD ENVIRONMENT. BAD EVERYTHING. 

Irregularly irregular.

I could barely understand myself these past few days. BREAKEVEN-- that had been an LSS for like 2 weeks now and I don't know why. Singing at the top of my lungs when I'm alone in my room, trying to defeat the silence and win over insanity. It's just fugly that I had to go through this again after years of believing that I am okay. I am not sure anymore of what I wanted in my life. BACK to ZERO. NO PLANS. Nothing.


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BIRTHDAY FEVER!!

It's the 12th day of the month. and yey! HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY PHILIPPINES ;) How many years had passed since our country's independence btw? I ain't a history lover so I don't have that much clue about it. And i REALLY don't care so much about it cause I JUST HARE HISTORY-- the way that I HATE FILIPINO. TONGUE TWISTER, anyone? I mean, i don't like talking TAGALOG that much cause i get tongue-tied most of the time-- though many had mistaken me to be half Xtian, half-Muslim ;) BOOOO!

Anyway, enough of my nonsense whatever-that-pops-in-my-head-introduction. Anyway, I'm going to have a break today! Yey! It's holiday and our duty will be during the morning only. TIME for some strolling on the afternnon, when I'm done with that I-dunno-what-to-do requirements with Doc Marquez. BOOO! I hate.

And it's 2 of my friends birthday. Oh no. THREE. First, Adelfa, my Elementary schoolmate-slash-classmate-slash-neighbor-slash-bestfriend. Yeah. Happy happy birthday to you Adelfa dear. Hope to see you real real real soon-- with your baby ;)

Second, Ate Joh Darimbang. Oh, i miss you beyotch way too much and your pampering, and the times you'rescolding me. and the text messages. and your being way too maldita, wouldn't want to come near you cause I'm scared, any minute, you'll burst. I just miss you ;(( Hoping to see you real soon. Good luck on your Internship. Imma pray for you ;)

and lastly, BBng PIANG Billy Boy, Billy boy. Thank you for the friendship yo! how old are you na? hehehe. lard lang ng basketball with your knee support whatever. you will always be my basketbolistang pang. :D hahaha.

 i wish you all the best. May you be the happiest today. whatever it is that'll make you happy, as long as you know that you're not doing something wrong, then do it. Go for it. Before it's too late.

Again, HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you. And God bless you always. 

ENJOY your day. 

muchooos ;)

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NARCISSA in the MAKING ;)

Ok. so i got bored. and I badly wanna go to bed but I can't sleep. and Insomnia strikes in (blame that mug of coffee i had earlier). And I was looking for something fun to do but I couldn't think of anything else. I don't wanna read my book. nor do i wanna write anything. so tsa daa! this is what i did before insanity strikes in ;) PICTURE PICTURE ;)

yeah. i look freakishly awful. ok. but then what? ;PPP

KILL ME NOW. EYEBAGGGGGS!

TIME to sleep. BOOM BOOM! good night every one ;)

Don't mind my PANDA's  EYES. yeah! DARK CIRCLES ;) tsk tsk. 

Anyway, earlier this night, this is what I was doing. trying to STUDY. Reading E-BOOKS from chubs made me groggy and sleepy. Hahaha. and yeah, that's a MUG of MILK. Minutes before that, 'twas filled with COFFEE. BLACK COFFEE. Addicted. 

Imma sleep now. soo unhealthy. EAT. READ. SLEEP ROUTINE is getting boring.. Miss JOGGING every night or going to the gym. hayst. Imma say CIAO for now. GOOD NIGHT WORLD ;)


muchoooo ☺♥☺

BANGAG. SABOG. PAGOD.

Okay. Yeah, BANGAG ako ngayon. High. Badly wanna sleep but i just can't. Have to finish this paper-- I dont want to have that 15-day extension. DUH! Worked so hard. Did everything. I don't think if I deserve to have that extension.

I have actually finished this one hours ago.. Polishing it. Naman. Have to make sure that we won't have that much corrections. like PLEASE-- SPARE ME with your PERFECTION thingy! :(

So high. Though tired, I can't sleep. This headache, it's killing me. And with an empty tummy, what's worse than this? Yikes. I better keep going. Imma print this one so I could lie on my bed.

Ciao :))

Much much much love,
Sam In-chik ;)

Good bye MEDICINE?

yeah. I'd be saying bye bye to Medicine Department soon. Time flies so fast. But what matters to me right now is that I've learned a lot-- and I enjoyed my stay. The doctors, the nurses and the ward staff (except that beyotch.).. I'm sure, I'm going to miss them all. My almost a month stay in GTLMH had been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I made friends-- and made some frenemies. Well, talk about equity ;)

What I'm going to miss the most-- the OPD works, and the ER :) Yeah. The ER. Asking patients here and there, writing histories and prescribing meds, and of course, the ER pips. Ain't sure who are pretending and who are not-- i don't really care. Well, lemme say that it won't be my loss. I mean, pretending isn't an easy thing to do right? Anyways, in some ways, the ER pips are one of the reasons why i made it through Medicine department without losing my sanity ;)) yeah. They were the one who made me feel happy in so many ways, and grounded.

Imma post some of their photos here soon. Will ask for their permission first. yikes.

Good night fellas. :) GOD BLESS :)