EMPTY THOUGHTS

When was the last time that I posted something here? Sorry, got s busy with hospital works-- duties and all. And i feel sorry for not finding time to update this.

I am here right now at Starbucks Matalino, tryna study but then, boom! I could hardly concentrate. I've been so out of focus lately-- been so absent-minded that I always end up wasting too much of my time. I know, I'm gonna regret this soon-- in the near future. The board exam is fast approaching and I felt like I am NOT READY for it. I should've started studying months before--  even before internship started. but nada! I dunno. what was I thinking? i know it's way too late but I will TRY my BEST TO STUDY. THIS, I PROMISE TO MYSELF. I've to pass the 2014 MEDICAL BOARD EXAM, be a PHYSICIAN-- A MILITARY DOCTOR. No, i don't wanna get rich! I wanna fulfill my dream of going to some far-flung areas, and help those who are in need of my help. God, please help me. I badly wanted to become a doctor-- not just for me, but for my family-- and for other people.

Yay! I know, I made a lot of mistakes. I always make one-- and I think tis time for me to find some place, meditate and repent for all of my sins. I am sorry to all those I've wronged. I badly needed counselling, I know. My weak heart isn't helping me at all. 2 days. give me two days and I'll find myself. I will be a better person tomorrow and the following days.

SORRY. SORRY. I am SORRY! :(

useless.. no doubt!

and i just feel like screaming right now. FRIENDSHIP? in this place? IT DOESN'T EXIST. like duh! Pretentious losers. They will only remember you when they need something from you. alright! That's what friendship to them. TO HELL, you MotherF*CKERS!

PARTEYYYYY in the OB-ER!

if happy ever after did exist! Yeyyyy! we are BENIGN! no patient and i am soooo hating this! I am IDLE and I don't like it. UNPRODUCTIVE! USELESS! Wasting time right now listening to some old music. and yeah, i feel like screaming! SLEEPY but i am soooo hyper to just write today. Bang! goodluck tomorrow. EYEBAGS. boooo!

Just wanna share this:

NOTE to SELF eh? WHATEVER!!

DIE-t!

no. I am never on a diet but today, i don't feel like eating at all :) nothing unusual, of course. Down with my Large Mr. CHIPSSSSS :) yum! and one ricor flat tops. hahahahah. alright, it's not good, i know. but i'd rather not eat especially here in this God-knows-what kind of place :D Not safe. Everywhere I go, there's pork and pork and pork forever. 2 liters of water for today! DIRTY LIVING! DIEt for real!

ONE MONTH DOWN... to drain!

One month had passed already since internship started. One month down to drain-- wasted time. I was not able to 'REALLY STUDY' to the 'REAL SENSE' of that word. Yeah, i read a LOT but most of the time, there's no retention. and it's useless right? Internship is the only time I can read most of our textbooks in Medicine but it seems that I am STILL ADJUSTING and it's DISGUSTING!

Can I just go to SOME NICE PLACE, ISOLATE MYSELF so that I can READ? FUDGE! I am soooo hating the feeling of not being able to fathom a thing because I was not able to finish reading a certain topic. NO GOOD. really! 

BOOOO! Seriously. *sigh*

Of BULLSHITS and everything I DETEST!

It seems that I'd be a constant visitor-slash-writer in this blog again. After like gazillion years. I am just friggin fudgin feeling bad. And i just hate the feeling-- cause i tend to be unproductive, lazy, undetermined and i always lose my focus. I badly wanna scream my heart out-- til i couldn't hear my own heartbeat. I'm not hating myself-- but i am just NOT ME TODAY! This isn't me. SERIOUSLY! 

i say, F*____# YOU!

i rarely do this. see, I'm not really good in badmouthing someone. but right now, i just wanna tell him straight right in his face, 'F*** YOU'. Dah. you think so much of yourself. How pathetic. I am so pissed. Stop pretending! It sucks to actually feel this way. I mean, duh! YOU ALWAYS THINK OF YOURSELF. Friggin FROGGY! SHUT THE HELL UP!

THIS. SLAP YOUR FRIGGIN UGLY FACE with these words! 

Class 2013: DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES. from different places. Diverse. ONE GOAL. ONE DREAM. Indeed. Originally, there were 56 of us. I used to say 56 is 56. I was optimistic. I still am. But then, God has some other plans. BETTER than those that we have for ourselves. On our 2nd year, no more 56. The MAGIC NUMBER: FIFTY FOUR!

I can still remember the very first day I stepped into the College; the interview with Doc Emma M. Macaraya, Doc Josie Marie S. Grageda-Kahulugan and Doc Gaite; the exam; the first time Madam Racma showed me the books that we she told me we 'SHOULD' familiarize-- that time, I felt like backing out (blame Nelson's and Robbins) . I can still remember the first day of school, me sitting beside ate Milfe Ababa and Sarz Abo. Enough of that; of the reminiscing thingy. FAST FORWARD. Okay, it wasn't really easy. The monthly MODULAR EXAMS. The 2-3 times a week PBL sessions, the tasks, the research papers-- what else? The retakes and removals. Oh yeah, who can forget Doc Grospe's FORGET YOUR PARENTS, FORGET YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND, FORGET EVERYTHING but YOUR STUDY! REMEMBER YOUR PARENTS ONLY WHEN YOU NEED ALLOWANCE :D

Drama much. ENOUGH! Anyways, I am happy. And grateful. Feel sooo blessed that I belong to this Class. We're not PERFECT. Lots of differences. But these differences helped us to become what we are now. I am proud of this batch. I am indebted of this batch.

anyways, I would like to take this opportunity-- before time runs out. We, the MSU-COM Class 2013, would like to thank YOU for everything. To our FAMILY and to our FRIENDS: thank you for always being there, for the love, the encouragement, the support. To our MENTORS, for imparting us your knowledge, for believing that we can. For the patience, the time. To the STAFF of MSU-COM: thank you for always being there when we needed you. to the other batches: CLASS 2014- thank you for being good to us, for that awesome DESPEDIDA party. CLERKSHIP? Well, we also used to think that it'd be hard-- that we can't do it-- but have faith. Believe in yourselves. We've made it this far. We've survived Clerkship-- so why can't you? POSITIVE lang lage. God bless on your clerkship! Class 2014 (kamu napud sunod. pagbehave mo ♥ ) and Class 2015 (the batch I actually named 'mga BATIBOT'), thank you soo much-- for everything. God bless! :)

UNFAIR

after eons, finally our clerkship is OVER. I mean, now, i could sleep the way I wanted to. I won't be waking up early in the mornings to go to duty. No more morning rounds. no more progress notes. Yeah. This is LIFE. Got tired of going to City Hospital or Adventist Medical Center for our duty. I just need a break. GOT REALLY TIRED. 

Okay na unta. But then, there goes the list of EXTENSIONS. and I was shocked. We were shocked. How could I not be? I mean, after all the things that we did! Yeah, it was unfair. FAVORITISM. I got penalized for not going with them during the rounds-- cause I was in the Emergency Room admitting one patient. I got 8 hours for being late once (not really late but that one-of-a-kind monster marked our attendance logbook with 7:40Am when in fact, it was still 7:33 AM and I arrived earlier than that. CRAP!). What's worse, one of my classmates got only 4 hours extension after being late twice. Like WTF? UNFAIR. and the one who was really OUT OF POST that time didn't receive any penalty? FUDGE! I got 64 hours extension after doing EVERYTHING! SHUCKS! KARMA's a BIATCH! what goes around comes around. Goodluck on your DIPLOMATE EXAM! Fooooooooooool! 

Goodbye NICU. 5 more days huh?

yosh! 5 more days to go and goodbye hospital duties. I mean, senior clerkship will be over sooooon! and I'm happy. Just graduated from my NICU rotation. 't was tough. 4 consecutive 24hour duty drained me. my immune system is down. got Nosocomial pneumonia, my energy level at zero! what else? this cough's killig me. duh! 

and there goes one of the pathologic babies in the NICU. Oh, this baby was yellowish. now, noted petechial rashes over his torso-- aside from being tachycardic and tachypneic. Positive chest indrawings, retractions, harsh breath sounds. what else? poor baby :( Get well soon baby Adanza. 

one of my favorite Junjuers. Hisham Mackno! their group is actually my favorite. Bing, Janna, Marie and Rhys. Sleepless nights with OB clerks-- waiting for the patients to deliver their babies. The endless 'utong pa ma'am' and 'ma'am, ipalahos ang pag-utong. ginhawa sa ba'ba'. It was tough but NICU rotation-- one of the best! 

Karimah Usop-- my Junjun that time. Oh, I hope you have learned something from me during your NICU stay. 

Catching babies, Newborn care (including immunization) and  anthropometric measurements. Then writing Doctor's orders, filing up the OB and Maternal History and the likes, progress notes to those 'TOXIC' patients. Yeah, I enjoyed EVERY THING :)

Well, you wouldn't let a day pass by without taking a photo :D :D talk about vanity yo! hahahaha :D (taken in the delivery room. waiting for a mother to deliver her baby). Yikes, This part is what i hate the most. WAITING for HOURS.

 

My LAST photo being a NICU clerk. CIAO NICU! Get well soon babies!