he was MINE.. but NOT REALLY

i was supposed to post this one last 30 december 2010.. but something came up.. pfft.. but then, here it is..

It’s 01:01 in the morning.. 2 more days before 2010 will say bye bye.. grrr.. time flies so swiftly. Whew..

I am SOOOO HIGH.. that cup of coffee I had was the culprit (I think so..). there are still lot of things I wanna do before this year ends—but it seems like I wouldn’t be able to do all of them.. I don’t have all the time I needed to be able to do all of them (sad. Bad..)

Right now, I am listening to Avril Lavigne’s FALLING INTO HISTORY. ‘I fell out, out of you and me’.. awww.. all the things that had happened last year are coming back all over to me now.. I could hardly remember the date but I could still remember everything that had happened that day.. and the following day.. it was the day before our homeostasis module examination. Those things are still fresh in my memory—raw.. but the pain? I really don’t know. I can’t even find the right term to say.. hahahaha... it’s not that I am trying to avoid talking about it here—cause why would I brought it up after over a year if I am not ready to face it, right?

I would like to reminisce those things and I would like to share it with you.. I might get frantic and I might get a little way too over and I might irritate you-- so please, please bear with me.. hahahahah..

So, what happened last year? I LOST a DEAR FRIEND.. and I lost a LOVED ONE.. different persons? Yeah and no.. awww.. got it? I wouldn’t pretend that I didn’t know cause I do.. it’s not a secret anyway. I think EVERYONE knows it. IT’S PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS. I couldn’t hide it. I don’t know how to pretend.

One time, we were so happy—laughing, teasing one another. Pity fights and all.. and before I knew it, we were fighting—ah no, we were having some misunderstandings.. these were not like the old ones where we’d be able to fix things before dawn come. These misunderstandings would go on for days—something I never ever expected to happen. Yeah.. and it all started when the MONSTER came into his life. Oh, alright, I’ll admit it. It was me who entered his life AGAIN after almost a year of NOT TALKING to each other. Before college graduation, we had a fight and we were not able to fix it. We were okay but not really. We still have communication despite the distance—and his hectic schedule (admit again: we’d send each other a message OCCASIONALLY—but for real friendship, it doesn’t matter right?).

APPLICATION for the COLLEGE ADMISSION. It started there again. We talked as if it’s just only yesterday—as if nothing happened. YEAH. I didn’t know MONSTER yet. He never mentioned MONSTER to me (sorry, can’t mention MONSTER’s name here).

Weeks passed and I got admitted—oh yeah, I am so frantic. Enrolment came. And then classes started. I felt ecstatic. Entering new phase in my life—entering MED school was something that never entered my mind. Alright. my first few weeks went okay. Til our first modular examination came—and so the result. Yeah, it was heart breaking—but it didn’t hit me that much because HE was there. It felt good having someone to lean on—someone to confide with. Cause it really damn hurts smiling when deep inside of me, I am wretched. Failing is sad but having someone to talk to made me feel better. At least, I didn’t feel like I am soo alone—I didn’t feel being SUICIDAL again.

SOME MONTHS went on like this: he, listening to all my never-ending whining and complains; me- listening to him bragging about something (yeah, he is such a brag and I don’t really know how did I stand it) or to his new addictions. Yeah, that is somewhat tiresome but I don’t know. Hahahah.. fickle fickle fickle. We were okay with that. But along the way, I felt something was wrong and that’s one thing he never did tell me. I don’t know if he just didn’t want to embarrass MONSTER or for me to feel uneasy when we’re together. Their fights got frequent—and it got abnormal. Yeah, misunderstanding is okay. Jealousy is also good in a relationship. But if it becomes too much, duh!! So that’s what happened.. TOO MUCH JEALOUSY. EXAGGERATED JEALOUSY! No one would like to feel like beingSTRANGLED, right? so that’s it.

We’re friends, good thing. I thought, ‘I could ask him anything and he won’t dare lie to me’. And that’s what I exactly did. Without any hesitations, without any pretensions that I didn’t know a thing, I straight forwardly asked him—and BOOOGZ, I was right. yeah, I was shocked. Why? Cause for the first few months of my stay there, I never hear anyone talk shit about MONSTER. All I could hear was MONSTER’s GOODNESS. No negatives. Whew. Right then and there, I’ve proven myself wrong again. Hahahaha.. TALK about believing to everything other people say. TALK about SHIT! Darn!!

- to be CONTINUED-